i started self harming when i was 14 and although this is embarrassing to say it was because i saw it on social media lol. i romanticized it and began doing it for no real reason at all. i got caught and got in huge trouble and then i stopped. then i started doing it again but the usual reasons (needing a physical distraction from emotional pain, getting high off it, needing a release etc) don’t apply to me and never really have. i don’t have any real reason to do it. nowadays i do it when im super mad at my family i’ll punch myself in the arms or if im mad at myself i snap a rubber band on my arms until they leave marks. ive never had any desire to cut deeper either my cuts are always super shallow and sting a lot. i don’t have any mental illnesses that i know of and i don’t get “high” off it but i do get sort of an adrenaline rush from it. im not addicted. i usually stop for long periods of time, like months, and start up again for a few days or couple weeks then stop again. basically what im saying is i can’t pinpoint my self harm issues and i have no idea how to describe them. im not like the stereotypical self harmer i guess and it’s not like i need anyone to sit here and tell me im “valid” but i don’t feel valid? idk. my relationship with self harm is just weird and complicated