I REALLY wish I was dead rn. I ended up cutting myself a bit ill probably do some more and take 6 sleeping pills instead of the recommended two and call it a day. I had a long day working retail. I've been off my medicine for two weeks because it just feels like sugar pills at this point. But, my mood swings are crazier than ever because I'm on my period after not having it for 2 years from being on Testosterone ( im FtM Transgender btw). And that has it's whole set of issues like dysphoria. I've been having suicidal and homicidal thoughts around work and other things for two weeks. Today, after I got off from leaving my boyfriend's house , I was going to eat something then my mom brought up abt how she needs to inspect my room before she gets ready to move out soon. And she's worried abt going into my room because of how messy it is and my weed paraphernalia . She said it gives her aniexty and I need to move everything out. And how we are going to move out in a year and ill probably have to sleep on a sofa or the floor because she can't physically or mentally live with me. With my mood swings and depression and she fears for her safety allegedly. My plans are hopefully to move into my car since my boyfriend's parents don't want me to live with them but I'm hoping to kill myself with carbon monoxide or hanging before than.