I got SA'ed 2 weeks back and just now went on a hysterical/panic attack type mode where I was consumed by thoughts of mental contamination at regions where he touched me. I ended up SH for the first time in my life.

I cut myself with a knife around 15 times at the same spot. I cried during the first 3 cuts. Then I saw the blood and it felt cathartic almost. Like I was finally cutting the piece of skin he touched off of me. getting rid of his filth.

I am feeling extremely peaceful and self content right now. But i'm aware that this emotion is extremely dangerous. I dont want this to become a habit. Please help me.

(I have diagnosed ptsd for history of SA since 2022 and am seeking regular therapy since feb 2024)