I have long battled self harm my entire life. I first cut myself accidentally while trying to “shave” at 6 years old and just fell in love. Throughout the years, from trauma stemming from my father’s suicide, repressing my emotions 99.99% of the time, and life’s little fun way of constantly pulling the rug out from under my feet - I have always turned to sh as a crutch, a way to feel, a way to control my pain.

The thing is, though: I love it. I always have loved the pain, the rush, the scars, the everything. It’s total euphoria and I have never really wanted to stop. I know I shouldn’t, I know I deserve to feel loved and appreciated and worthy, but even if I felt those things I’d still want to do it.

Feeling a little “too far gone”, but I’ve always been 15 degrees off from being “normal”. Has anyone else battled liking it?