I have been suicidal since I was 10. I have attempted multiple times. Recently, I have put that idea aside. Too many people want me around, and that's really all I'm here for. I make up for it in other ways. I skip food, purposefully putyself in dangerous positions, and of course cut. People know all this now even though I kept it secret so long. I an exaughsted of hiding it. I'm not going to kill myself, but now people want me to stop cutting. Why? They tell me they want what's best, but that is bullshit. If that were the case they would get on me to eat, or just be fuckin happy that I'm still alive. I hate every minute that I am left breathing, but it will never be enough. They hate that they see my scars. They don't want me to stop for me, they want me to hide it. They told me to get tattoos for the pain, or to starve. They just don't want to face the fact that I'm suffering.

Quick question, if a tattoo is only gotten to provide pain and a long term reminder of it, how is it any diffrent from cutting? How is me beating the shit out of a wall any better? It's not. They just don't want to see the evidence.

I know I have to live. I have to put up with all this bullshit, but let me have the things that make living ever so slightly manageable. Or just leave me alone. Ps, I don't need to be reported... again. I'm already being "helped" by too many forces to count.