Im 17 and i haven’t sh or done serious drgs since I was like a quarter of the way through being 16(sry if this is hard to read), when i was 13ish my parents divorced and it rly destroyed my mental state as i was entering middle school i went on to get a gf that year that then broke up with me in about a week and because of the divorce it made everything 100x worse cause she had been the only good thing to happen. While that was bad then covid came,i was always a shy kid but i would warm up to whatever environment I was in after a bit with covid and my mom becoming nasty and manipulative after moving out still acting like her sometimes but not all the time i became a very anxious and just idk even know how to describe the social anxiety besides just the normal anxiety about other life shit.Then i moved and have been away from my mother ever since I miss what she was when i was younger but idk if that’s her anymore…. Well when i moved i was 14 at the time never drank smoked or done any type of drug well my mental instability overwhelmed me and i started to smoke weed hit vapes smoke cigs drink and it was slow at first but became way worse to the point where i hated myself and then i got into pills they were prescribed to me by my psychiatrist they we’re Klonipin 2mg 4x a day at first that worked and i felt better but then i wanted to get high and learned i could off that and i started taking way too many pills i hated everything about myself and started cutting at first a little then more as my addiction grew because of the guilt i felt for doing the drugs,feeling like a left my mother when all the wanted was to love me,feeling like im letting down the people i love. To try to drown that out i would cut and take pills i would mix old perks from past prescriptions with the klonipin alcohol or cough syrup i would snort the perk or klonipin sometimes but then i tried to actually “finish the job” and i saw my dead great grandma that i used to see all the time and she said “this is not who you are,I know you and I know you can move past this moment.After that i went cold turky on everything(at this point i had been addicted for a long time) there were alot of slip ups honestly they still happen to this day whether it be drugs or the cutting. I wanna ask does the feeling ever go away I dont wanna cut agian but can’t resist sometimes and the drugs makes me feel even worse cause i aways get caught now, jt just feels like it never stops does anyone relate?

Idk if any of that made sense plz lmk if u need me to answer something!!! Love yall