Today I went to the park around noon, got drunk, beat myself on the head with sticks, slept in the park and walked around a little. Until dark. Just sayin. I hate my life. And I hate people and the way they treat me.

I’ve had such a strong and frequent urges to hurt myself lately. I’m looking at jail time in a couple weeks. That has nothing to do with it. But I know I’ll be wanting to hurt myself in there. To relieve boredom. And frustration. And express my hatred for life.

That’s just what it is. Hatred for life in general I guess. I’ve discovered this. I think. Most suffering is a self created illusion. We make ourselves suffer because it feels correct for the gap and emptiness in between what we want/expect and what we have. Think about it.

I’ve given myself brain damage again. Sometimes I’ll have little “convulsions.” I’ll be laying in bed and my body will spontaneously twitch shake move whatever. I have strange visuals when I close my eyes. Weird dreams.

I have cuts all down my arms from years ago. Cuts all over my torso too. Never really cut on legs. Only 10 or so scars on there. I guess I like my scars. I like hurting myself anyway.

Vlog. Just reading what you all have to say. Here’s to better days. Hoping all of you make it through and find that person, or thing, who makes it all better, so you don’t have to feel this way

And then you actually obtain it Because I didn’t Yet If ever Peace love