I relapsed on cutting, which I haven’t done for about a year. I sh in other ways often, such as hitting myself to give myself bruises and black eyes. I feel like there is someone inside of me and I want to kill that person. I carved “FUCK” and an up arrow (for fuck up) and then the letter “U” (for fuck you). Because I am a fuck up and I fucking hate myself. I did it on my left thigh, and I really really want to carve something else on my right thigh, and for the first time of cutting I feel more urge than shame. I feel shame of course, but I feel the urge to hurt this person in me more than the shame. My girlfriend knows, and some things that I have done to her (nothing dv or sa, just being a shitty partner) have made me cut as a way to punish this guy in me for doing it. What do I do? I’m scared if I’m honest with my therapist or psychiatrist that I’ll be sent to a facility and the semester just started and I cannot miss work or school, especially school this early in the semester. I need help. I am lost.