I’m 26F hes 30M and we’ve been together 1.5 years and living together for 6 months.

I felt that we had established a good base and foundation for our relationship in the beginning, he helped me open up (I used to keep things in, although I’m still working on this) and I felt comfortable to share my anxiety/depression struggles with him. He has been the first man to make me feel comfortable in this way.

We moved into our OWN apartment 3 months ago ( he was living in my old apt with me for about 2-3 months) and since then we’ve struggled. It’s like when they say the first year of marriage is the worst. A lot of it was just living situation things, like disagreements on what our second bedroom would become for us (working from home) or the proper way to clean etc.

We’ve definitely made it over the majority of that stuff, but when it was happening it really got bad. I don’t handle conflict well (I’m in therapy working on it) so I’ve just been very up and down emotionally. Thinking things like, we’re disagreeing so he will leave me (even though he always reassured me that conflict is normal and he’s not leaving!)

Regardless of where we are now, I’ve always struggled with insecurity. I had a eating disorder growing up and had poor body image. I’m definitely better now, and appreciate my strong legs and bigger build but what I don’t really have is really nice boobs. Definitely an insecurity for any woman to feel. And I’m currently unhappy in my job. All this to say, I’m definitely feeling insecure about myself in different aspects and ever since my mental health has declined, I feel like an emotional mess. And in my head I’m like, he must be sick of that

I know it’s not healthy, but I find myself stalking his Instagram following tab and normally click on accounts to see if they’re public and if he’s liked any pictures. I normally find things and it brings my self esteem lower. Recently I noticed he starting following JoJo (this gorgeous singer from back in the 2010’s and after the AMAs people were commenting on how “thick” and beautiful she’s become)

Despite the security I felt in the beginning of our relationship, since getting into our constant arguments and things, even at one point telling each other our worries about the relationship during those times, I’m just feeling incredibly insecure and when i go on IG I think to myself “these other girls are gorgeous have perfect bodies and he probably wishes he was with them not someone like me who is so emotional”

He reassures me and we have conversations about what’s going on for me mentally and he shares his things too so. I feel like we’re doing better with communicating. He tells me he’s not leaving and he loves me. This should give me the reaassurance I needs but for some reason I still don’t feel good enough.

How do I get back my confident secure self? I just want to feel healthy in my relationship

TLDR; boyfriend has seemingly done all the right things and helped me feel safe to be vulnerable and intimate with him. We live together and he doesn’t ever go “out” unless it’s an occasional guys night. Instagram is making me feel insecure, on top of the fact that we’ve had a pretty rough few months of living together. Why do I have such a hard time trusting and how can I feel secure and confident in myself again and stop sabotaging the relationship?