I apologize if it sounds simplistic or immature or whatever but I do believe I'm losing my mind and am uncertain as to what I should do. But I should probably talk to someone.

Don't take this to mean I'm in an endangered state but I have had open-heart surgery and am still getting used to working on the road.

I would just like to be loved and have intrusive thoughts that I am a bad person.

E; For anyone who can discern symptoms from my phrasing or whatever, I'm convinced it may be this but that may be my inner-hypocondriac.

If your suggestion is that I avoid marijuana, without it I suffer from insomnia and am simply in much worse shape. I feel much better with weed but to my knowledge it has the least adverse affects than say 'Cymbalta', as my doctor recommended.