Hey Friend's,

I just need some peace of mind, so I have to vent and get this off my chest. It all happened in the past, but the marks are still there, even if I try not to think about it. The choices I made, the situations I ended up in, and especially the scenarios others pushed me into, have shaped me in ways I don’t fully understand. By now I'm sure that I was mentally and emotionally manipulated... or maybe I was just naive back then, or influenced by hormones? Probably a mixture of many things.

Well... looking back, I can see how much those experiences changed me. I ended up doing things I’m really ashamed and embarrassed about, things I never even thought twice about at the time. It felt like I was always just going along with it, letting things unfold without any resistance. It’s hard to explain, but there was something about those moments that just felt different... to just lose myself in them and let everything happen around me. I’m not in that place anymore, but I can’t deny that it shaped me in ways I still don’t fully understand.

Sometimes, I wonder if deep down, I’m still craving that feeling again, but I’m not sure if it’s something I should want or not.