I do not like existing. I made a whole post about my life and current struggles a few days ago.

I am extremely lonely and depressed. I am not able to have actual relationships with other people and will likely never have real friends or experiences with others. I will never know how it feels to be really loved, I will never know how it feels to be someone's first choice and I will never know what it feels like to love. I am trapped in layers upon layers of morbid irony and self pity. I will never have an actual meaningful moment in my life.

Even so I do not wish to harm myself outside of drinking too much. I did try to take my own life before, more than once even, but I don't think I'll try again. There is no point to it anymore. I realized that it's too late. I am alive now. I wish I wasn't born but I do not wish to die. Rather I am indifferent to it now. Life is but a short break in non existence, sooner or later I'll return to that nothingness. But for the moment I stay in this weird break, this reality that by all logic should not exist. The chances that intelligent life in the universe formed are so incomprehensibly tiny and the odds of me being born are even smaller.

I do not enjoy being here, but I also don't hate it. It's just boring now. I am used to it. I think anyone could get used to everything given enough time. Let someone burn in hell for eons and they'd get bored too. I don't want to be here but I won't actively try and stop it anymore. I want to see how this ends. And lets be honest, humanity is done for as a whole, we will not turn this ship around. None of us that are under 30 will die of old age.

I am giving up on living and just enjoy existing as best as I can now.