I think I might just be at the end. I don’t have anything. I’ve been stripped of humanity. I am not a creature worth connecting to. My health has been failing as long as I can remember. All I am is depressed and that’s all that I can offer. I haven’t been allowed physically to be a sexual being in 15 years due to an accident. And I finally have a chance to surgically fix that. And the surgery doesn’t help at all and the antibiotics almost killed me. Just spent a month in the hospital with acute hepatitis. Almost needed a transplant. My wife left me because I’m depressed and because we couldn’t be intimate. I’m alone. Everyone says it’ll be OK but they’re wrong because they don’t actually want to invest the time in me either. It’s all just platitudes. People say it will get better. But I’m tired of this waiting. It’s like watching a marathon of terrible movies. Just hoping for a five minute scene you might enjoy. But even that is guaranteed. I don’t even have enough room here to type out all the illnesses I have. I’m only 45 an even my doctors look at my list of medication’s and think how the hell did this happen? I’ve literally had doctors ask me how I’m still alive. And I guess I don’t know. I’m on the other side of the world from the very few people that give a shit. And I don’t plan on going back because I just can’t. I’ve run out of hope. I didn’t have much to begin with. I’m the kind of person that needs physical intimacy. And I haven’t had it in 15 years. Everyone wants to say it doesn’t matter. But it does. It’s all I think about. It’s become obsession. I’ve done therapy. I’ve done drugs. I’ve done everything I can think of. I guess there’s only one thing left.