I need to die. I have no money to get what is needed to do so. Can't find a job. Told friends & family about me wanting to die. They all say the same thing, "Don't say that". I'm at the point where nothing is worth it anymore.

Everyone wants me around & be Miserable. Stay alive so others are happy? Fuck'em. My dad is going to be all alone now. My 3 friends down a friend. The world down 1 useless miserable person. Or get on meds that kill your will to live & ambition. Called the suicide prevention hotline for a laugh.

As soon as I can get enough money for a shotgun, I'm doing it. If I get a job, first paycheck is going towards a few things. My last meal & shotgun with a box of shells. A shame you can't get a single round. After all it would tip them off. Then again who cares about wasting money when you're not going to around to spend the rest of it.

This cycle is going to end one way or another. Maybe God won't let me have a job because he knows I'm ready to die. Don't know why I'm posting this. After all, my posts are too real & nobody seems to see them. Life is killing me slowly. Hope is gone. I'm ready. It's time for me to be selfish & do what I need to end this.