every moment had purpose. i was in literally constant contact with my "soulmate", constantly talking to them, asking what i should do. everything that happened, happened for a reason, and i saw "signs" i was on the right path constantly throughout my day. at the height of it i was self destructive but also ceaselessly creative and believed i was on, literally, a mission from god.

now all of that is gone. i am no longer following god's will, but my own, and i find that as a sense of purpose to be lacking. i am not going to be a famous artist or musician, i am now agoraphobic and struggle to walk half a mile from my apartment.

even though it is theoretically possible for me to one day be back on the stage as a musician (not a delusion, i am a musician and am known a little bit in the local "scene"), and i am unemployed but starting a job training program this month -- everything feels pointless. following my own will is somehow both boring and terrifying.

can anyone relate and what do you do to overcome this?