I hate the fact. I feel like she made me feel. I've always been a very loving and personal person. Most seem to really like it about me, she did in the beginning. "You're soo sweet honey, I love it". Words that now haunt me. She pulled me in. Took me 2-4x a day, everyday. Told me she was "gonna put a ring on it" .. silly I know but it mattered to the romantic in me. She fucked up and lied about a few things over a short time. We broke up. She called me n wanted me back. She bought me an almost $4k ring, which she never stopped using for manipulating. Giving it n taking it soo much that it became its own taboo not to be mentioned.

We connected. Broke up. Screwed a bit. Broke up. I'm a connected person. I like good morning n goodnight and all the sweet interaction in between. My mate is supposed to be my choice to have by my side at the end of the world, in my mind. She is not this way. She wants a good morning have a good day. Disappear until lunch if you're lucky. Then an, ok I'm off, call until she gets home ..then its get lost until bed "if you really need me to call."

This woman has taken me to new York to see the Book of Mormon on Broadway for my birthday.. only to take it away a dozen times before we ever left.. only to be told days before.. "well we might as well go. " so I went n tried my best to be the best date I could be. It was more rain than I saved up for, being a heavy equipment operator. I was broke for my birthday. And she had nnnoooo problem rubbing my face in it. "What you thought I'd bring you to New York and you just wouldn't hafta worry about paying for a thing for three days??"

No. I thought maybe you wanted to make up n be really good to me once, even if too late. My mistake. Rubbed my face in everything I couldn't afford. Made up. Rubbed my face in it some more. Walked away from me for hours on my actual birthday then had the room key changed so I couldn't even access my things. All for the power trip n laugh at me from behind the door, while I'm stressing I now gotta call and beg for help to get home. She stops. We "make up". I couldn't stand her at this point but my nature is to help us move forward so I shut up n play the safest game I can imagine having had a violent drinker mother with the man problem. She insisted on seeing the Empire state building from the top. It was disgustingly priced. So she paid and rubbed it in my face. I took my solo pic atop the building, shades on to cover the stupid post eyes. Screwed.

Great morning. We sat separate no choice homeward. I got up to kiss her like half a dozen times. We get off the plane no problem. Once we in the car, it starts. I'm a problem. Breakup. Restarts.

Our last trip. I had bought a kayak. It was nice. And since she left my place.. I haven't seen her and maybe not spoken to her but twice since. Always cold. Always talking about other men. Always comparing. Hell I have had much much better myself. Women treated me better so they got better. Way better looking women but she sought me and I'm a lover. I just hope this nasty arrogant n ignorant hood rat doesn't waste any other man's time or heart.

I wish all you good ones the very best. The low pro hoes.. need to at least keep it real n knock off all the stupid lying. Don't pretend you ain't what you are. Be real about who you are and what you seek no matter what it is but don't manipulate people. Don't be needlessly ugly. Don't be a liar whose words don't count for a thing.

I'm 6ft3 most of 300 pounds and very capable.. yet in this, I'm also a pacifist in nature. I believe if we all get along we can get there. Cuz I know if it comes down to fighting about it whatever way in the real world.. I tend to win. There ain't no point in anything ever going in that direction. I keep hoping we can all recall the best of the things we're taught and choose to mold ourselves to be better versions of what we've known.. instead I keep seeing the weak minded that have been shown something ugly and chosen to be the best at that, that they can be and be proud of it.

In closing.. Ugliness of heart and action is never anything to be proud of.. carry yourself better. I'm fallible and trying. I'm ashamed of anything I've said or done in that state of mind and so should we all.

That's it, rant over. Just be good people to those that are giving you good.