Life is routine, every day is the same, every day is just me, which is now, normal. I don’t want to be alone, I hate the feeling, but I’ve hated it for so long that it’s just normal. I wake up, empty, go outside, void, and I’m afraid. I’m afraid to admit and come to terms with my life. My life feels like I’m just meant to live it alone, by myself. I don’t know how to stop, how to stop creating this normal. I create it, for myself and I’m scared. I’m scared because I naturally bring this hospitable isolation to myself. I’ve seen the opportunities to stop, they’re right here, people that drop the occasional comments, they want to know me more, but i don’t let them. I might say “yeah we should” or “I’d love to” but I know I’m not meant for that. Why, I wish I knew, maybe I do. I’ve been alone for years now and i just wish for a companion. People actually say they’re perplexed why I’m by myself. So many times I’ve been told I’m the one person they know that would be best to a partner. Of all their friends I’m the “nicest guy they know”. What the hell does that mean? Because after being “nice” for 22 years it really just doesn’t seem worth it, not if it just means this, we really do finish last I guess, or never. And I’m the never, because I’d never give up being nice, that’s who I am, I like being known as the dependable guy with no ulterior motives. I like being the guy you don’t have to worry about, never wondering if he’s ever just trying to take advantage of a situation. People like that right? You would think, but besides nice words from friends, it’s gotten me nowhere. So I guess I’m just supposed to live this normal. I’m supposed to just live this routine. I’m supposed to just be the best version of myself, as I should be right? Right? Which means the best version of myself is built to be alone, the best version of myself has been made to be alone. Right. This is normal. Normal is hard, yet an easy to maintain routine, and so I hold out hope, hope in myself that I can live on being the best version of myself, all by myself, for the rest of my life.