During middle school, I didn’t have friends cuz I was a weird little guy, and everyone found me annoying I met a girl in 7th grade her name was Alex we were friends. She used to kick me in the balls because we thought it was funny and since this was the only attention I was getting I fell in love with her. 8th grade is when I asked her out she said no so I asked again twice and she said no twice . After the pandemic, I made some friends from middle school and we became close they where my friends up until recently this is important for later on. I met with Alex back up at the beginning of 10th grade she was sitting alone in class and she looked very sad cuz nobody wanted to talk to her so because I had a crush on her I said hi. We got close quickly she was deeply troubled, had bad grades, bad hygiene, and no friends she was basically a femcell, I still liked her tho. After the span of a year we were basically inseparable wherever I was she was and etc. I planed to ask her out on the last day of school, but foolishly I told my friend, I’m going to call him Ken, I told Ken that I was going to ask her out in trust. He asked her out the next day and she said yes, I was heartbroken. I then ghosted her irl she didn’t like that. She was sad without me and wanted to talk about what happened so I said alright. We talked by the school stairs I explained what happened to her and I told her “It’s okay if you wanna be with I just can’t be just a friend to you I wanna be more but I can’t force you to do anything “ she then broke up with him saying she got with him out of pity. Two days later we both agreed that we liked each other and we started to officially date. This was one of the first times I have ever felt genuine joy in my life. As I said before she was kinda a female so I decided to help her. I got her out of her shell she suddenly had friends was showering regularly and she dressed amazingly. I loved her because of everything she was, she was amazing we could talk for hours, she brought me joy and we made each other better people we were happy. Then some problems happened. She used to SH and I hated that so I made sure to always be there for her whenever she needed me, she has had four Sirius mental breakdowns with me and I was there to stop her from hitting herself and I was there to make sure that she knew I was there for her and I loved her. I told her if she SH again I would have to rethink our relationship. She would post her SH on Twitter sorta bragging and saying how cool it is I thought it was disgusting and not cool so I told her and she understood. She and I one day before going to class now where in 11th took half a bar each as a perk we were fucked up. After that, I decided not to do drugs but she took way more it only became a problem when she vomited in class and clearly I’ll do drugs. After she was okay and sober I told her to never take another one again or we would be over and she listened. Our trust was always there we loved each other and we would communicate properly our issues and we listened. It was 3 days before her birthday last year I got her favorite Deftones album so this year I got her another one. After I bought it she texted me that she wanted to break up. This was out of nowhere and when I asked why she didn’t want to say. I found out today. She told me that she just didn’t want to be with me that it was that simple and that she doesn't love me and I was just a person to her now. I broke down in the middle of class. While I was crying I noticed her face, she was giggling at me like she just heard a funny joke. I was devastated. The girl I loved whom I was always there for and whom I helped so that she could be happy and have a better life was there lavishing on my misery. I still love her and I can’t imagine a further without her. I’m close with her mother and she told me it’s because of her bpd. I still love her and I don’t know what to do.