I work a high stress job and am a very career focused woman. I would say I am doing well for my age (26). He is 33 and working at a grocery store, he seems content with that. He spent his 20s travelling and moved back to our flyover state. He made me feel completely at ease. Maybe I just felt the stakes were lower because he wasn’t my usual lawyer/consultant type so I didn’t have to pretend to be anything more than I was.

I keep thinking about him and the time we spent together. We met at a party through a mutual friend. I desperately didn’t want to go to the party and when we got there I was in a foul mood. When he came up to me and started talking, everything from that day melted away somehow. We stepped outside to smoke after talking all night and then he kissed me. We kissed so passionately and for so long I forgot where I was until a car honked at us.

My friends are understanding but some but have got to the stage of mocking me because of how vast the attainment gap between us is. They didn’t understand what I saw in him. I literally did not care that he didn’t have a “real” job or education or even his own place. They made fun of the fact he was balding. I can’t stress enough how little this all mattered to me. In fact, it endeared him to me. Imagine a slender James Gandolfini. I was insatiably attracted to him and still am. His charisma was magnetic. The first night we slept together was wonderful and intimate and I had an incredibly vivid dream that night that I could read his mind.

Anyway, I wanted to lock it down and he didn’t. On our last date I felt him pull away in real time. The final straw for me was when I realized I would have followed him anywhere and done anything for him and we’d known each other less than a month. After a couple dates, I finally asked him because I felt so sure this was something. I couldn’t bare the humiliation of pining after him and ended things. On a logical level, I know he doesn’t want me. He took a day to respond to my texts, he didn’t plan anything more than a couple hours before seeing me, when I asked him for commitment he said no. He said he “really liked” spending time with me but didn’t want to commit so soon. I know that means he doesn’t like me.

I have been in pieces since he told me he didn’t want anything serious with me. I couldn’t understand it. I have a life and hobbies and yet here I am. Im sad because we had such great chemistry, but I think it’s more to do with my own hubris. I thought I was so great because I have a career, I’m in shape, educated etc and I guess didn’t respect him enough to think he couldn’t possibly want me back. It’s a crisis of identity and self-confidence. If he doesn’t want me, who will? The realization of thinking this way is shameful. How could I think something so awful about someone I seem to care about?

Other guys have asked me out since and I don’t want to go. I want my grocery store clerk. I want to hear him tell me stories about who comes in and what they buy. I want to hear about his childhood, his family, his passions, anything he wants to tell me.

Writing this I realize how pathetic it all is. I don’t know how I became so attached. It’s too embarrassing to talk to my friends about now. Putting this relentless thought pattern that’s been driving me crazy since we stopped seeing each other has helped. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? Is it over for me? How did you make it out alive?