I see so many posts on here about how do many of us are just depressed and hopeless a lot of the time. I know family, friends and even our specialists don't know how to really talk or understand about what we are dealing with.

I used to be able to take my Methotrexate shot weekly and my hands would be less swollen. Like a very minimal amount of swelling would go away. I've been out of work for 2 years now. I am considered a liability of I try to work. I had to leave my job if 16 years "I'm 36" so that was one of the hardest events in my life other than being diagnosed with RA. I'm at the point where the meds aren't helping. I'm just being told that "I'm fine" and just let the meds work and I have been for two years straight now. I just want to work and be able to actually do things. There are days I can't even button my pants yet "I'm fine." I'm now being told I should go see my third RA doctor for another opinion on what is going on because basically I'm being told by my doctors that they don't know what to do. My primary doctor did a blood test and my RA factor was <10 which I don't know if it's like that because of the meds. There are so many "high" things that come with my blood orders that they just tell me oh it's your kidney but it's fine. I'm just at a loss. I've also been told that the disc's in my next and back could be causing my issues but then no one checks or my turn labrum in my shoulder could also be a factor yet again no answers. Still waiting for referrals, calling every day to see if anything is going on and just being thrown in the wait pile. One of my problems as well is the costs of the meds that I am put on and certain jobs with insurance where I live will not pay for them. So I'm just stuck on literally this Rollercoaster of being told my family that I need to be back at work, doctors telling me I can't, my brain telling me just to go to work but I'll lose the help for my meds and won't make enough to pay for them. I just don't even know what to do anymore. My depression is getting worse. Just wanting to sleep the days away so I don't have to deal with anything unless I have to. Again, just over everything. I'm sorry everyone... just needed to rant. I didn't realize this was so long ago I do apologize. I hope all of you are doing well!