I (M49) am here because same as all of us I am haunted by my partner’s (F40) much more adventurous past/higher number. I was in a very sexually unfulfilling and ultimately sexless marriage/LTR for 20 years. I am embarrassed by all the “firsts” I am having now late in life with my partner who has “done it all”. And I have struggled a lot with worrying that what is almost always the “most amazing” sex for me is not for her.

I have been greatly helped by some posts that remind me that sex is like pizza. There’s a spectrum from worst to best, but even the worst pizza is still pretty good. And when you are eating an “average” slice of pizza you enjoy it and you don’t sit there recalling all the better pizza you’ve ever eaten and wish that this slice in your hand was actually something else.

In a long term relationship sex is going to range from amazing to “meh” based on all kinds of factors. Just as it has for your partner in their past. There’s no such mythical being who, on their own, provided amazing sex to your partner each and every time they had it. It takes TWO to create those fleeting circumstances. And every two people create unique sexual experiences.

Point is - there really isn’t “better” or worse per se. Just different. And your partner chooses to be with YOU. For a lot of reasons including that the pizza is probably pretty damn good.

This message is aimed squarely at myself!