After months clean, I went back using 3mmc, like 0.5 a day. In the past I'd use 1g in a daily basis for more than 5 months.

The 3mmc helps me to have energy, a fake happiness that actually feels more like a friendly emptiness that hides my sadness. I'm under extreme stress for a bit more than a year, I'm in a normal weight although I'm already getting closer to get back to being underweight because the 3mmc even me forcing myself to eat caloric things such as condensed milk with vanilla icecream or white bread, spaghetti of tuna or red meat and so on... I'm keeping getting skinnier.

Loneliness because I live in the house of my boyfriend (we're europeans but from different countries). He judges me for using it while he can use a RC benzo and an RC opioid just like Oxycodone (or smth like this) that he uses also.

He's so arrogant, narcissistic, he enjoys hurting me and after when I start speaking he starts regretting everything because I know his tricks and mechanisms of why he tries to do it, and I'm always comprehensive, respectful, polite, lovely with him, but he has been treating me like shit since he started with Oxycodone times ago. I love him a lot but I'm not enjoying anymore my life, not even being alive.

I don't have friends here, and seriously thinking about leaving a letter for him and take an airplane back to my homecountry and block him everywhere, I think he would get crazy and I'd be afraid but that's the only option I see because talking to him about it makes him get totally crazy about me leaving him.