Just beacuse it is halloween, here is just a brief and dirty reportback on an experience I had fairly recently on a cocktail of novel dissociatives and a single 8 mg hydromorphone pill in addition to generous amounts of cannabis. This is not as detailed or useful as any of my normal reports, but I was feeling the holiday spirit and felt like writing about something that actually happened this year ;)

It is noteworthy that 2 of these compounds are completely novel dissociatives that have not been reported yet. I am working on reports on each of them singularly, I hope to have them out sometime in the coming weeks. If i had to summarize them, I would say 3-F-PCiPr doses around 30-70 mg, has a fairly short duration, and is soft, smooth, at times tranquil and other times quite uncomfortable and disorienting. PCiPr doses around 10-30 mg, has a very long duration, and is subtle at first, then very intense and all consuming, stimulating and manic and very functional but also quite heavy. Like a more lucid 3-HO-PCP. I had encountered no indication that either of these compounds had any CNS depressant activity; both elevated heart rate and didn't cause any perceivably respiratory depression (measured with a pulse oximeter), Appreciable respiraratory depression hasn't really been observed in in the non-2'-oxo substituted arylcycholexylamines (though some can be weak partial agonists of the mu-opioid receptor). Nevertheless, I determined for myself that I was comfortable with the risk, I would never recommend to anyone else that they combine novel drugs with opioids.

I had taken 20 mg of PCiPr intranasally earlier in the night, followed by 50 mg 3-F-PCiPr intranasally several hours later. I was just riding the high of a very nice first date I had had with somebody where I had cooked them dinner and hung out at my house. A short time after that, I crushed up a single 8 mg Hydromorphone pill and snorted it. I was smoking cannabis and hitting a nitrous tank throughout the rest of the evening, which was mostly spent chatting with friends and playing Dynasty Warriors 3 on the PS2. I felt floaty and warm, I was dizzy and lightheaded and spacey like I was being baked in warm static. Everything was faded and muffled in the most pleasant intoxicating way, like the empty spaces of my skull were stuffed with plush filling. There was an underlying mania and a stupefying dissociation. A warm opioid nod left me drowsy and slack jawed, gently waving back and forth in the glow of my CRT TV. I felt like seaweed being tossed about in gentle waves in a shallow sandy tropical sea, waves that swelled and rolled through my body as a warm, itchy euphoria. Everything was pleasantly bleak, everything was heavy in the silent late night twilight.

I eventually topped off with 10 more mg of PCiPr and 20 more mg of 3F-PCiPr. I was done playing video games for now, I was absentmindedly sitting in the dark browsing the internet. Every thought was a struggle, every action felt impaired and restrained in every way. I was moving and thinking in slow motion, every little task taking twice as long as it should have. The obliterating stupor of opioid bliss.

I was getting ready to go to bed (This was about now 4 hours since I had taken the initial dose of 3-F-PCiPr). I decided to smoke more. I am not sure why I made this decision- sometimes I will smoke a bit before bed to unwind, but with dissociatives still in my system, why would i think this would do anything but stir the dust again and bring them to the forefront, not conducive to sleep at all? And I didn't just smoke a little, I smoked a lot. Incidentally, this is exactly what happened. My heart was pounding, I was soon in the throes of a dissociative panic. Everything came rushing to the forefront, it was distressing and overwhelming. The world began to unravel around me. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my head. I became profoundly confused- how did I get here? Where was I? Where was my body? Why did I feel this way? Who was I? Darkness had consumed everything, I could not perceive anything around me anymore. My surroundings had fallen away to an abyss. It was as if I was suddenly an isolated consciousness caught immediately in the present, no point of reference for what came before, how i felt before, no sense of how I ought to feel in the future, just suddenly being deposited into a disorienting and confusing existence, borne from intense unfamiliar and bizarre sensations, borne from an unknowable void where sensations existed no longer. I was a very small mind, very suddenly all alone in a very large and imposing place.

And in this vulnerable, lost, confused place- I was prey. Something stalked the reaches of this dissociative abyss, something indescribable, without physical or sensory form, only perceptible as concentrated malicious intent. I could not feel my body but I could sense by blood run cold in its shadow. I was no longer protected by my grounding in our reality, I was at the mercy of something that showed me that I was past where my mind could feel intact. It pulled me away from our world as bits and pieces of myself began to come back- I was now cognizant of what I was, and what was being lost as my previous existence had began to decay into illusion-it was this sense that I had broken out, that i had hacked my way out of our reality into this alternate one, where I was lost and afraid and vulnerable. That the existence I had known was an illusion to insulate me from the horrors of this world where entities preyed on stray consciousnesses and spirited them away to parts unknown. And so it was that my entire life, that every entire life, all life times, all humanity, was withered away to nothing, inconsequential and forgettable in the scope of this new void, greater than anything I could perceive, both endless and final, all-consuming, dominant, and utterly inescapable. Where darkness ate at the borders of my perception and shadows stalked through whatever could be perceived as apart of the inky void. It was cold, impersonal, and unfeeling as anything could be- even the emptiest plane and bleakest space on our world is still a physical realm, I still have the company of the sky and the earth- here is nothing, the bitter loneliness of knowing that not only is nothing here, nothing could possibly be here, nothing has ever been here, nothing will ever be here, nothing but my tormentor who has placed me here, who is so vast and powerful that I am borne the terrible loneliness of its indifference, that I am so powerless to be imperceptible to it. How can I beg for mercy from something that only perceived me for an instant to lock me in its limbo, to whom I am a speck of dust lost among a million specks of dust in a million empty spaces? It was the dread of being abandoned, forgotten, truly deeply dissociated from everything I had ever known and will know, and from all that had ever known and will know me. It was the greatest sense that escape was impossible that I have ever known.

All of my life, all of my memories, everything I was, everything I had known, was fading away into a distant memory. My fate was to be here, still, cold, perceiving only dimness for an eternity that had already begun to pass. The light of existence and experience was being weighed against an ever-extending final ultimate void that only grew to dwarf it, averaging out to an increasingly grey and stagnant life. This was it, this was all it would ever be.

Then snap, it was over. It was as though this tormentor had noticed me, had decided I was to be freed. All of a sudden, I just came to in my room, like nothing had happened at all. A moment of mercy. I had not just come out of it, I had snapped completely back into reality, I was fully lucid and sober. I had only seen how much time had passed- less than an hour- but it had felt like an eternity. I was so confused and disoriented. How did it just stop like that? I laughed out of sheer relief that it was over. I sat with a terrible nausea that only developed more as night turned into morning, culminating in me repeatedly vomiting and barely being able to keep water down for much of the day. Some terrible psychosomatic reaction maybe, or some adverse reaction to the opioid as I don't use them often. I really thought I had finally broken reality. I was grateful to be released from this void.