Before I start the discussion, I want to provide some context about my beliefs for perspective. I grew up Baptist, became an Atheist at 14, and then identified as an Agnostic around 18.

For the past few years, I've taken another look into Christianity and contemplated rejoining the faith. It's been a slow process where I've gone months without touching the topic due to my childhood religious trauma. I'm unsure which denomination I'd join or what my beliefs are, but that's beside the point of this discussion. Anyway, I tackled some of my issues with Christianity, and while I'm still wary of committing my life to Christ, one huge issue is preventing me from rejoining. The biggest problem is that I've never had a spiritual experience. Outside of church, I never felt God with me. I never heard His voice. I never experienced any miracles or underwent any dreamlike experiences where I talked with God, an angel, or a deceased relative. I prayed hard for a real sign, yet never received one. I prayed to God, Jesus, and even Mary because I wanted an experience or a sign so much. With the issues surrounding the Bible, I can't rely on it for the basis of my faith alone. Because of that, I believe that if I receive an inexplainable sign or undergo a personal experience, I could become a Christian again. Recently, there were two, "signs" that I'm debating whether to consider them signs at all. The first sign happened with my grandmother, and while she never talks about religion, she is Christian and still assumes I'm Christian. She's 85, and I don't want to tell her why I'm not a Christian or have her worry about my soul (if souls even exist). I speak with her every Sunday because I live two hours away. One Sunday afternoon, I prayed hard for a sign again as I've done many, many, times before. The only difference between this prayer and the others is that this is the first time I prayed to Mary and said something like, "if any Saints are listening." I thought, "who knows? Maybe Catholicism is my path." So, I called my grandmother and told her about my week. Since I moved to my current location, she only asked me once about religion. Anyway, during the phone call, she asked me if I found a church to attend. Thankfully, she provided me with an out to the question, and I used that as my reason for not attending church. But this situation took me back and made me question if that was a sign. A few weeks later, I watched videos on Catholicism at work and prayed again for a sign. I go through highs and lows of being content with being an Agnostic and desperately wanting an answer. It happens randomly, lol. Anyway, I can't remember how soon it happened, but I walked to a room with a microwave to heat my lunch, and when I walked into the room people were talking about Jesus. Now, it wasn't a positive discussion about Jesus. The people were 20-somethings who called Him sky daddy, ridiculed outrageous Christians, and spoke about the dangers of Christian Nationalism in the country. But again, this made me question if that was a sign too, and if it was, then did it mean I was on the right path or the wrong one considering how anti-Christian the conversation was? Of course, since those two experiences, I've prayed, and nothing happened. Not even something as simple as someone bringing up Jesus. Now, I've had strong feelings pushing me to go back to Christianity, however, I've learned to distrust my emotions. Even though no one is pressuring me to become Christian, I developed a feeling that it's the, "right" thing to do. I know it sounds silly, but that feeling alongside others I've been going through has been difficult to shake off. So, I'm unsure of what to do, and at this point, I'm exhausted from dealing with the topic. Plenty of other times, I prayed, cried, and begged for a sign and received nothing. The skeptic in me says those aren't real signs and are coincidences. I think about how if someone else told me this, I'd say those are coincidences and start talking about the arguments against the possibility of Christianity being the one true faith, regardless of denomination. However, am I wrong? Are these signs tugging me towards something that could lead to a more significant and more believable sign? Or am I desperately looking for the tiniest instances to be a sign? I don't know what to think anymore, and I would love others' constructive opinions on this. I've been thinking about it almost nonstop for the past few days, and I'm just on the verge of giving up. This journey has been emotionally exhausting and inconclusive, and I feel the almighty creator could've thrown me a sign by now, but I don't know.