Long read…

Background: I am an employed 40 y/o father of 3 divorcing my ex that lives in another state. She is a single mother that lives in my neighborhood that has seen multiple women in/out of my place before she gave me her #. I have my own place and car.

Before my gf and I started dating it was all explained(the divorce case, custody, the women, etc). I also explained and exclaimed several times before we were physically intimate that I LOVE head, giving and receiving in equal measure of passion. I asked her if she liked sucking dick and she said, “Yeah, I wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t into it.” So I assumed she could handle me wanting head AT LEAST 2-3x/wk(even though I want it everyday if possible). After our 3rd time together I started to actually pay attention to the fact that she made excuses as to why she couldn’t finish me orally. She then told me after the 4th time that she don’t like when I cum in her mouth because of the texture and that it’s sometimes too much. I told her she could spit it back on my dick in a sexy way. After that she was spitting it on my dick like it was poison(she only complained about the taste twice when I ate junk but I usually eat healthy and stay hydrated). I paid it little mind because at least I’m still getting head 2x/wk.
I then noticed that I was going down on her more often than she went down on me to the point that I felt played. Yet, she likes when I aggressively flip her over to eat her pussy then fuck. When I eat her out until she gave multis then lay on my back as an indicator to give me head she most times just go to sleep.

I discussed it with her late April(it’s now Mid May) while watching tv one day and she goes off about how I am always wanting head and that she is not a ‘bobble head’ and if she’s not into it she don’t want to be forced. I then let her know again how important it is to me and asked if she is unsatisfied in any way. She said that the only complaint she had is that I don’t go with the flow. The flow she speak of is the one in which she set the tone and usually gives her all the orgasms and the decision to give me head or go to sleep. I told her that this kind of flow only benefits her and that I’m not a yes, dear man.

I thought things would change afterwards, it didn’t. She came more than 15 times the following sexy time and after I came inside her she rolled over to sleep. I dozed off for 10 mins then woke up with a raging erection again(the thought of her giving me head turns me on because she’s REALLY good!!) I press up against her and she twitched her ass and rubbed her feet against mine. I’m thinking she wanna fk again but I wasn’t gonna do shit without head as she haven’t even kissed my dick at all. So I tease her more with my erection. She turns to face me sleepily, “whatchu want?” “You know what I want.” “No I don’t, you gotta tell me…” “ You know I love how your mouth feels on my dick” “Well if I’m not in the mood then I’m not gonna be into it. And you said you want me to be into it.”(which I did tell her before we got physical & before dating). So I proceeded to eat her out, she came a few times, I then laid on my back AGAIN. She laid on her stomach beside me hand on my chest then started snoring…. HARD. She then turned away from me, slept for an hr then turned back towards me, “You ok babe?” “Not really…” She let out a big sigh. Then rolled back away from me. “Come here…” I motioned her to lay her head on my chest. “You trying to force it babe and I told you that I have to be in the mood” I was HIGHLY annoyed with precum pouring from the on/off erections I’ve had the whole time spooning her. “Ok babe.” She could tell I was annoyed. We both ended up having this dumbass tension in the bed until she fell back asleep, I stayed up the whole time SF af!!! When she left I jacked off 4 times.

The next day via text she asked if I slept, I told her not until after she left. “Oh because I didn’t suck ya dick?” “Yep, I jacked off after you left tho. Not the same but I needed to release.” “Why didn’t you just wake me up? I didn’t know you were that frustrated!”

We then had a lil text spat about head when she said, “I honestly hate giving head!” “I wish you would’ve told me before, I would’ve never pursued a relationship.” “I did tell you that I don’t like giving head” “No you said if you wasn’t into it you wouldn’t do it or something like that”

Now we are more distant. We only have sexy time 1-2x/7-10 days because I’m honestly tired of feeling ignored especially when I feel it’s undeserving. I would invite her over everyday but she’s tired from work and taking care of her kids which I am always empathetic of and try to give her that space. So I’m now jacking off like I did when I had nobody and it just feels dumb to be in a relationship where I feel like a tertiary accessory. Outside of sex: I buy her lunch, I surprise her with flowers, I compliment her, I give gifts, money, we talk about our dreams and goals, we kiss, hug and have good conversations, we watch shows together, I take her out when she’s available….

⭐️⭐️Questions for y’all: A: Is she just being vanilla-bratty and testng my mettle?

B: I do love everything about her outside of this but oral sex is VERY important to me sexually. Especially since I’m into bdsm and she’s not. But is it worth leaving the relationship?

C: In the future if we don’t last, how do I express my prioritization of head in sexual pleasure to a woman I am interested in dating without being a creeper so that I don’t end up with another case of dick-sads?

D: Is it wrong that I started to reduce how often I go down on her?

E: Am I too nice? I ask because whenever I’m a semi-asshole with other women I get what I want. But she said before she hate that and find it unnecessary.

**Dating after leaving a marriage of 15 years is rough. I had another relationship before the current one after my split and I left because I wanted to cheat but I broke it off before I did. So I’m not keen to all the nuances of modern dating. My mindset has always been the golden rule. Considering abandoning that mindset to just be selfish after this….

Thank you for reading my book. 😂