So, this friend I've had a for a while now, I think is ghosting me and I am quite hurt by it.

Here's a bit of background: she and I got to be really good friends at work when I lived in a different state about 3 years ago. She was the only other girl with colored hair on staff and we bonded on that and music. Despite her being younger than me, we got along really well and were really close after that. Flash forward about 2 years after, I move back to my home state and to my surprise, she moved here as well with her boyfriend. I found out through instagram and decided to reach out and hang out with her. This is when we got closer. We spent time together; sometimes doing photoshoots (she's super photogenic and I always liked photography, so we did that), to just hanging out in her apartment, to talking about our lives deeply (sometimes, we'd hit on sexual topics that we'd both relate to, but I bring that up for context later.) She even brought up the fact that whenever we would spend time together, she felt like I was her closest friend and that she'd probably ask me to be her maid of honor one day.

Like most adult relationships, there's gaps in between until you send or get that text message "Hey! I miss you! Let's hang out!" And that went on for a while. There was one night that I spent over at her apartment, had a good time and left - however, after, she didn't quite message me anymore. Then covid hit. I think that made it a bit worse.

Jump a little further, I am experimenting with my partner on the aspect of threesomes. Knowing that she was sexual as well and didn't have a problem with it, I reached out. She opened up to me about not being in a very good place lately and that she was on medication for it that completely diminishes her sex drive. All good. No worries. I didn't push it (that being said, I did joke about it, saying things like "Are you sure? ;) It'll be fun." But I didn't push it further than that.) Part of the reason I didn't push it was because she stopped replying. I was used to this because she has a habit of not replying, but I got worried that I pushed it too far. Immediately, I started to apologize, saying that I'm sorry if I had pushed it and made her feel uncomfortable. No response. I tried the next day as well. No response. The third and final day, I said "I'm sorry for pushing it. I hope you're not mad. If you are, I am truly truly sorry. It wasn't my place. I'll be here if you're ready to talk." And, no response. I thought she blocked me.

A few weeks ago, I see a photo on my feed from her instagram. She posted throughout the weeks before, but it was just photos of the city with a lyric from a song. Nothing special. This post was different. There was a beautiful woman and her through a few photos. The caption read "Cheers to 25! My thicc latina queen! The only woman to match my energy! <3 ilysm". My heart sank. So... she's done with me I guess. Mind you, this was about 3 months after the threesome incident - I decided to reach out one last time.

"Hey! Haven't heard from you in a while! I just wanna put it out there that I miss you a lot and that if there was anything that I did that made you feel a certain way, please just let me know? I want to try to rectify it if I can. Anyway, hope you're doing well."

To my surprise, I get a reply really quick. "OMG YOU'RE TOTALLY FINE! I had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago and tried to [unalive] myself. I haven't been talking to anyone recently." Of which, I immediately asked her if she was okay, to which she replied, "I am talking to a psychiatrist to get me the help I needed." Breath of relief. "Well, you know I'm here if you need to talk or bitch or anything!" We proceeded to make plans from there for the next week.

But that being said, it never went through. I texted her a few days after, "Hey! So, I guess we forgot about plans. Wanna reschedule?" She replied a day later, "Not me forgetting to send you anything yesterday. Dude, I'm the worst." And of course I replied with, "No you're not. Shit happens. I just miss you :D." We proceeded to make plans for that next week.

The day of, I send a text "Still on for today?" No response. Again, I was used to this. She's done it enough times to where it's a habit at this point. Thinking that she might need a little bit of time, I text her the next day, "Hey! So, our plans keep falling through. That's totally fine! Take your time and we'll hang out when you're ready!"

A few weeks go by, and cut to yesterday. New set of photos on instagram, same beautiful girl. Caption: "I love making new memories with you <3". She's definitely ghosting me at this point. My heart sank again, but just because it's already happened before. I didn't text her, I just felt like she was actively ignoring me. And that hurts.

So, I obviously don't know if she's just ghosting me because of previous actions, or if it's her mental health. I know that if this is the energy she wants to give me, I shouldn't waste my time on it - but I guess I'm just kind of thinking that maybe I'm just grieving something that was. I don't know. I guess I just miss my friend.

tl;dr: My friend started ghosting me after I asked her a favor sexually since we were both comfortable around each other in that way. I apologized profusely about it to no response. A few months later, I see a post to where she was all excited about this girl she's been close with lately from work. She later revealed to me that she tried to unalive herself and hasn't talked to anyone in a long while after I reached out again. We tried to make plans, they fell through. She posted again with the same girl. I didn't reach out or feel the need to because I feel like she's ghosting me.