My(26f) boyfriend(29m) and I have been together a little over two years, known each other for 8. We live together. We’ve had a lot of really awful toxic arguments during this time. He tends to be on the gaslighting/personal insults/name calling end of things. Sometimes throwing and breaking things. I eventually get so baffled and overwhelmed that I yell and sometimes throw or break something (never in his direction, but still not cool). I broke up with him in March, but we decided to stay together. Things have been going really well since then. All of our disagreements have actually been handled with communication rather than turning into huge arguments and we have been talking together about how great things have been.

About a week ago, he woke up and decided he was super mad at me for Not offering him water when he coughed in the night, and telling him the night before that it feels frustrating when I ask him to do something small, like grate the cheese, and he makes an annoyed face about it because I do most of the housework and that’s not a huge thing to ask him to do. He seemed totally happy and fine when we went to bed.

He’s super mad, flies off the handle, tells me I can’t borrow his tools for a job I had lined up that day (I let him use my truck often), starts telling me I said things I never said, I get pissed off and say fuck you and break the cheese grater I was washing in the sink. He tells me I should just do chores faster and that I’m on a high horse. We argue for a while, he says he’s leaving for work and leaves. I angrily decide to put some dishes in his corner so maybe he’ll wash them and a couple plates break when I set them down. Genuinely didn’t mean to break them. I’m picking up the broken plates to put them in the trash when he comes back in and starts filming me saying “just my crazy girlfriend breaking everything in the morning”.

We’ve definitely had worse fights than this but I just feel like I can’t really get over this one. I feel like I don’t trust him and I don’t feel safe communicating with him because even if I do it nicely he might freak out about it later even though things have been happy and communication has been good and I have been making serious effort to approach him in a calm, constructive way if I’m bothered by anything.

Things that really bothered me:

-Being so angry over seemingly small things that he decided to screw over my work

-telling me I said things I never did

-filming me- I told him before this is a scary, triggering thing from my childhood that my emotionally abusive mother used to do to prove to my therapist I was crazy. I really feel violated and creeped out.

-in talking about it later, he said I was mad the night before because I wanted him to do the dishes and that I said I hate him. Neither of these things happened.

-making it clear that I’m not allowed to ask him for basic relationship things, like help with the house or express frustration (he’s done this a lot in the past too)

-thinking I’m being unfair for wanting equal help with housework

-I don’t like how angry I end up and also find my actions toxic

Other things:

-no shared interests: he likes online poker and I like rock climbing. We don’t do much together

-I’m basically super happy with my life when I’m not around him

-my family/friends don’t like him

I feel like these are all solid reasons to break up but maybe I’m overreacting. I feel like I want to end it but I always end backing out. Any advice on how/if I should follow through. Maybe just looking for some reassurance

Tl;dr considering leaving boyfriend because of toxic arguments but having second thoughts