Something about my(26f) current boyfriend(28m) just makes me lose my control when I’m angry and I’m not sure if it’s entirely that I am a terrible person with an anger problem or what. Occasionally I break something, never have hurt a person, never would. The only other person I did this with was my mom and she is an emotionally manipulative narcissist.

For example, the other morning, I woke up and he was obviously mad at me. Wasn’t sure what I did because our relationship has been going good, all was happy when we went to bed, so I asked him. He was super angry that I didn’t offer him water in the night when I drank water half asleep and not thinking after he coughed. I said sorry but told him it didn’t seem like that big of an issue and it’s his choice to spend the day angry. Then he told me he was pissed that I had asked him to help out with chores more the night before and I am on a real high horse and it’s messed up that I can tell him he does nothing when he has helped me out so much with a side job I’m doing lately. I never told him he does nothing, although I do 80% of all stuff around the house so I’m mad he’s making up things I said, and it feels really unfair he’s mad at me for asking nicely for more help. He hasn’t helped me at all with my side job except loaning me tools (I let him borrow my truck often and just helped him with a side job over the weekend), so I said “what help?” Then he told me I couldn’t use his tools anymore and took them all back to the shed.

Now I’m starting to get angry because I needed them for a side job I had lined up for the day that was my first solo gardening project and I have been planning it for days and he was intentionally sabotaging it when I have been very supportive of anything he wants to do during our time together. I don’t feel like I did anything bad enough to deserve his level of anger. We bicker more about the cleaning, he tells me I should just do the chores faster, I start washing the dishes, eventually I yell “fuck you” and throw the cheese grater back in the sink and it breaks. He tells me how much of a pathetic baby I am.

Eventually he leaves for work, drives away. I’m just in the house super angry trying to calm myself down. In my angry brain I’m like, I’ll just put this stack of dishes in his corner so it’s inconvenient to him and maybe he’ll wash them, not intending to actually leave them there, but just illogically acting out an angry thought, so I bring them over, set them down roughly and a couple plates break. I start picking up the plates when he walks back in and starts filming me on his phone. I ask him to please stop filming me, he goes to work and takes the tools I need with him.

He filmed me once before when we were in a big argument and I told him that wasn’t okay because my mom used to do that when I was little to prove to my therapist that I was crazy and it feels really scary. He loses it when he’s angry often too and has broken things and often says really mean things to me, but if I get angry it’s inexcusable and I am the bad one for getting too angry even though I never call names or anything like that.

Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s him. I don’t want to make excuses for my actions because I know they’re not okay, I just feel like none of it makes sense to me and I don’t have anger issues anywhere else in my life. Just need some insight here. I feel like my therapist just takes my side.

Tl;dr not sure why I get so angry during arguments with my boyfriend when I have no anger issues elsewhere in my life