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I (f23, at the time 20) used to date a guy (m24, at the time 21) who was really social. I always liked socializing, but not as much as he did.
We spent friday nights together, then saturdays with his friends and he spent sundays with another group of friends alone. So basically we only had one on one time for 4-6 hours every week, on friday nights.
I wanted to spend saturdays with him too, just the two of us. I wouldn't mind being with his friends every once or twice a month, but wasn't really excited to be with them for several hours every week (those meetings were always long, at least 6 hours each, and we didn't have any time left to be alone before or after them, plus I always felt tired after so much interaction with a group).
He never compromised to spend more time with me and it became a huge thing in our relationship, with him never feeling free to do what he wanted and me never feeling appreciated enough.
The thing is, I wonder if I was being too high maintainance, if I was demanding too much of him, if couples often do spend this amount of time together (one night a week), and if I was expecting too much of him, being clingy or too dependent on him.
It is in the past now, but it still haunts me, as I don't want to be in a relationship feeling like I stop my partner of being himself, or doing the things he likes, or being with people he loves.
I wonder if I was being overly attached to the relationship, if I should have seeked to do more of my own things instead of wanting do spend more time with him (I never saw myself as codependent, though, just missed him and enjoyed his company).
Do you think this routine of one night a week is normal/ok? Do you think I expected too much time alone with him?
TL DR: I wanted to spend more time with my bf, however I wonder if I was demanding too much attention from him.
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- 3 years ago
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