I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a month and a year now. Met her in year 6, currently in year 12, but we started talking a lot more in year 10 and that’s when we got together after 6 months of getting closer.

Personally I’ve been been discovering a lot of things about myself lately as I start to become a bit older. I tend to be very obsessive about trying to perfect and organise every aspect of my life from the folders on my desktop to the clothes in my wardrobe. I also have an attachment insecurity where if I feel like the smallest thing is going wrong with a relationship whether it be with my girlfriend or best friends that I feel like the relationship is over and that it’s going to shit because I apparently can’t accept things I can’t control going wrong and still associate with that relationship as my mind won’t stop thinking about this issue.

This was the reason for all the negative things which have happened in my relationship this past year. This insecurity developed into jealousy so whenever my girlfriend would go out to party, or go out with her friends or just take too long to reply back, I’d get extremely anxious about it and I kept getting these negative thought loops about how she’s having more fun doing whatever she’s doing, that the people around her might be talking bad about me, that there’s other guys hitting on her. And all this bullshit just fucked with me so bad that over time I guess I gradually started to care less about these things but the problem is I feel myself also begin to care less about her.

Another thing with me is I like/need attention from people, I’m starting to get better with not having this issue but it’s something that’s rooted in me from year 6 where I’d just try to get everyone’s attention to be popular and getting that popularity is all I wanted. And it worked, I’ve been friends/acquainted with the whole year level for the past 6 years. This leaked into my relationship as I said before where I’d get mad or anxious when she wasn’t replying to my texts or if she’s be out and not able to read her messages and I’d just be wanting to see her notification on my phone. I know my care for her had began to lessen though when these days I just don’t even feel like texting her but when I do reply back I’m just thinking about if she replies back quick or not. I know it’s selfish as fuck to have that mentality but it’s just how my minds decided to cope with my just being anxious with her every move.

Even these days when we’re together I just get pissed about the littlest of things and it just puts my mood off and I feel like going home. Don’t get me wrong though because when we don’t see each other for a while and we see each other it’s always the best fucking time but if I stay at hers 2,3,4 days we just end up getting shitty so each other one way or another.

TL;DR We’re just both needy people who are also filled to the brim with pride, jealousy, and trust issues.