My partner and I have been together about 3 years. We've lived together about 2.5. we are both 30s (he's m I'm f). I moved into a place he bought a few years before.

When I moved in I didn't bring much. He already had furniture so there really wasn't room for anymore big pieces. My furniture was either sold or left at my parents house. Same thing with my housewares - dishes, books, etc.

We bought a dresser together and an entertainment center.

I moved things around when I moved in - changed furniture around and boxed up some excess stuff and put in a closet. He's more of a packrat than me and the place was overly full in my opinion. We got rid of a few small crappy pieces of furniture. We also moved some art around and bought one new art piece. The walls were pretty packed so there wasn't room for me to hang my stuff...it was ok though bc I didn't have a lot of art. I also deep cleaned the house like crazy. It was very bachelor pad like before I got there and I wanted a fresh start.

I tried to make sure he was comfortable with the changes I was making but I probably went a little fast for his taste in an effort to just "get it done". He's expressed since that time that he felt a little steamrolled...but ultimately liked the changes I made

In the years since we haven't made many changes to the house. But on a few occasions he's bought art pieces without asking me. The pieces just show up in the mail or he just comes home with them. I don't dislike any of them per say...but I don't know if they are what I would have chosen.

Recently I've found we are running out of storage space (like I said he's a packrat and quarantine has exacerbated that a bit especially with me working from home and taking up more space for my work). In and effort to alleviate the storage space issue, I suggested we get another shelf. I have one at my parents house I said I could bring.

Here's the problem. He doesn't like the shelf. Bigger problem. The shelf has some sentimental value to me so when he says he doesn't like the shelf it feels a little like he's saying he doesn't love and accept me.

I feel like he's being selfish. He's brought things into the home I didn't agree to and I didn't complain. But now when I suggest bringing something he doesn't like he says no. It seems he should just accept the shelf at least as a temporary solution. I also feel like he should acknowledge that he doesn't always ask my permission before making changes to the home (yes I know I did that too early on so we are both guilty).

My friend says he will always be like this as long as we live in this home...since I moved in with him. She thinks it might be different if we got a new place that is "ours"

What do you think? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Should I just bring the shelf and tell him "tough shit - this is payback"? Is this a hill to die on? Will he always be like this? How can I help him understand?

Tldr: what changes is to ok to make in a shared living space without consulting your partner?