I’m in such a tough spot right now.

My girlfriend and I met in college where I was in graduate school and she finishing undergraduate. We each had never been with anyone else so seriously. We’ve been together for five years now and she’s followed me halfway across the country and back for my job. Now she’s moved for another job but I’m not sure I can follow.

First let me acknowledge how selfish this is. I understand this. But please read on before you criticize.

From the outset, I didn’t want a girlfriend at that stage in my life because I knew my career was something important to me. She kept trying and eventually I let her in and fell in love. I got a job across the country and she followed. I then moved back and she followed again.

We had a major blowout the second moving because I feared I was falling out of love with her. We broke up for a very brief time but reconciled and were fine since. Recently she took a new job and now I’m going to have to leave a job I love (hated the one on the first move) and have to take something I’m not as excited for I fear.

I love her. We match in a lot of what we want for the future. No kids or wedding. We love animals and we share a sense of humor. I think she likes how intelligent I am and I like sharing new things with her, especially around politics, which she doesn’t follow but appreciates I do. Honestly, I love who she is as a human.

But I’m not sure what else there is out there that we match in. She’s fit and likes to be active. I prefer to be inside and read and watch TV. We have disagreements over spending and saving where she’s more frugal than I. But I have the better 401k and investments. And part of me wonders if we’re holding each other back.

Sexually, we’re ok compatibility wise, though I’m more kinky and while she’s been opening up, it still isn’t quite where I’d want to be if I could choose.

It’s honestly like ying and yang with us as well as in my brain right now.

She’s pushing for a ring but I fear I’m not there at all. I think I have to end it, but I fear I’ll never find someone else and will have lost her forever. At the same time, I wonder if there’s a better match for each of us out there. Breaking up will absolutely crush her and I hate to see her sad at all. Though that’s not a reason to stay morally, is it a reason to stay because I obviously love her.

As you can see, my head is spinning. Just looking to hear thoughts of others who have been through this.

TL;dr: I love her, but she’s hoping to get married and I’m wondering where our compatibility’s lie and if getting married is the right thing right now