Backstory: I have been in a relationship before for over a decade (high school sweetheart). I ended it because I didn’t like myself and could not find happiness (I was also depressed). I’ve worked on myself a ton since then and I can now feel happiness instead of nothing. I don’t know if how I am feeling now is downsides to feelings the highs (I can now feel the lows) or this is something different.

Currently I am dating a single mom of two (10, 12). We met on a dating website and everything was going well. We met up, went on dates, started dating officially and eventually I met her kids (the most nervous evening I have had in years lol). They are great and I love them like I would my own. I’d go to war for them.

I travelled a lot for work so after 8 months of dating I had 8 months of LDR (long distance relationship) where I would be home for a few weeks and be away for a few. I could handle the distance as I had done it before. She found it very hard and I had to give constant reassurances. We survived and now we are in the same country permanently. Technically we have been living together for the past 8 months but the long distance makes it seem less real. We live together but her name is on the lease alone. I cook almost every day (my work is on a break now), I clean, I do groceries, I do anything I can.

Ever since I have been back for the last 6 weeks she has been distant and detached emotionally and physically. We still do a lot of things together. We go out and eat and visit places but there is nothing there. I feel like a roommate or friend, nothing more. I missed the closeness that we used to have.

I confronted her about this and she ignored my questions for a long time. I had to ask many times. I needed to know where her heart was. Did she still love me? Was she bored? Was there someone else? She said that she didn’t know where my job would bring me next year so she is ‘going with the flow’. I asked her what does that mean and she said, ‘we will see’. I told her I can’t live like this. She said ‘well you have a choice then’. I feel like I’m being strong armed to leave.

Obviously being in a ‘relationship’ whereby any attempts to be intimate or even close with someone is either ignored or deflected hurts. Never receiving affection while the person acting like everything is normal is sad/infuriating/disheartening/demoralizing. Right now, we just sleep facing away from each other and I can’t sleep at night. She even talks about where we will go on vacation next month. I don’t think I can do this.

TLDR: Relationship for 1.5 years. GF has been distant since I got back (6 weeks). She wont change and acts like everything is normal.

Edit: we don’t share a lease (just her) there a lot of things we bought together and a few things I bought myself (couch, dressers etc).