This post doesn't capture everything, I'm still processing things so I might misrepresent events, however this is a good summary of how I've analysed things.

(If you want more details you can check out the longer more exhaustive post in my profile history)

I'm currently wondering whether I should act with patience and understanding when my girlfriend comes back, or I should communicate that her behaviour isn't okay.

We've had a rough patch before, but learned some communication skills and overcame it. But for most of our relationship we've been a rock for each other. She's been supportive of me as I turned from ego driven broke freelancer to responsible adult with a job. I've been supportive of her as she had to go through some intimacy pain problems. Putting that there to show I know she isn't a selfish or self centred person.

Anyway onwards.

2 weeks before we were supposed to go on holiday at her parents house in another country (which she knew I was extremely excited by as it'll probably be my only holiday this year because I'm job hunting), she suddenly started drinking heavily everyday from the Tuesday evening after I left her place, to the Saturday party she's been a bit cagey about telling me more of. (She never told me who was hosting it except it's someone she hasn't seen or spoken to in a very long time).

Bear in mind she has a full time job through all that uncharacteristic drinking.

That's not a big deal, she's allowed to have fun. But I was a bit worried about her, and I was feeling a bit out of the loop. Usually she'd have invited me over to whatever events she was hosting. She also wasn't telling me what was going on.

A mutual friend has later told me that on that Tuesday evening she was drunkenly crying to him over the phone that she felt she needed to shed her skin and some other metaphorsis type analogy. He told her to rationally speak these things over with me, which she agreed to...but then she didn't.

On Sunday, when we were planning to hang out, she just found out (minutes before I arrived) that someone she'd known had died. It happened to also be the 3 year anniversary of my grandma' death, which I'm still grieving over. Because of these 2 things, our hangovers, and my feelings building up from the week things escalated into a big fight. It ended with her yelling me to leave.

On the Wednesday she told me she might ask me not to come on holiday with her. I said it's a big ask, let's give it 24h. On Thursday she confirmed she didn't want me to come. I was really disappointed, asked if she wanted to break up. She said no, but that she knows she isn't happy. And some convos need to happen, and being trapped in the same house in a different country is the wrong environment for that.

It's been a week since that's happened. We aren't talking, but I've checked via mutual friends to see if she's okay (I was worried man, seems she is). She's returning to the country on Sunday and I imagine she'll eventually want to chat.

My question is this: I've been treated unfairly, even our mutual friend knows this. He's also told me to expect a change in direction, he doesn't know what exactly but to expect that. But....I really want to understand what's going on.

When she gets back what should I do? I'm going to wait for her to reach out, as I'm honouring her request for space.

Should I try to understand what's going on with her, and understand whatever request or conversation she wants to have? Or should I communicate how unfairly I've been treated?

Also what could it be that caused her behaviour? The fight is a red herring, it's clear something happened in her mind that Tuesday and I'm really scratching my head as to what happened.

Tl;Dr Gf got drunk everyday for a week while working full time all of a sudden. We had a fight and she asked me not to come on holiday with her. What could be causing her erratic behaviour? And should I respond with patience and understanding, or should I be firm and express how I've been mistreated?