As the title states, I'm 34 and he's 26. We've been together almost a year. Everything's great for the most part, but I keep gong back and fourth in my mind about the state of our relationship. It's complicated and kind of hard to explain, but I'll do my best. I'm looking for constructive advice, but please keep it constructive.

When he was first on my radar, I was hesitant. He's not really my type. it sounds cliche, but it's true. He's a good-looking guy, but we have our differences. He's into geek culture: comic books, sci-fi and the Marvel universe, and he's more of the go-with-the-flow type. And he eats fast food, soda, and indulgent, carb-heavy meals (not that there is anything wrong with any of that). I, on the other hand, like non-fiction, documentaries, fashion, and organized planning. And I like to watch what I eat. I'm not perfect about it, and I do compromise, but I prefer to avoid fast food and greasy dishes.

But, at the urging of my roommate, I gave him a chance. It was a significant step for me. i was in a polyamorous relationship at the time, and I opted for my current boyfriend instead. I think I knew that the commitment level would be higher. We have the official title, and we we are totally exclusive and everyone knows it.

And honestly, this is the best relationship I've ever had. He treats me better than anyone ever has. He's wildly attracted to me (and i think he's pretty great, too). I can't drive due to health issues, and he always takes me everywhere without complaint. We're affectionate with each other, we laugh together, and he nurses me when my symptoms are bad. I really couldn't have asked for a better man. And I'm so, so grateful for him. I can't believe I am with someone so wonderful.

But . . . there has always been this nagging feeling, like he's a great fit for me, but not the exact fit for me. I go back and fourth a lot. One moment, I think there's no reason to even think twice about it, because he makes me happy and treats me well, and I just eat it up. Then, in the next moment, I'm questioning things all over again.

My fear is that I just get . . . comfortable and stay because why not? That wouldn't be fair to him. And I think about this a lot, and I don't think that's the case. He makes me happy, period. I know that sounds weird, considering everything I've said, but we do have a good time together. He's such a good guy, and we get along so well, and I make every effort to make sure he feels appreciated and fulfilled. But there's that nagging feeling at the very very back of my mind sometimes. I guess it's akin to building a puzzle, and you find a piece that almost fits - it looks like it fits - but it's not the exact fit? It's sort of like that sometimes.

It sounds almost too simple. Some of you might think, "If you're having doubts, leave him - duh!" But it's not that simple. The thought of leaving him feels scary and wrong somehow. Not just because it would be a big step, but because it just feels so wrong for both of us somehow. We make a great team . . . but there's that nagging feeling. The thought of it is making my heart pound even now.

And then there's the fact that he and I have our own little social circle. We have 5 friends in common now. It's all very interwoven. And I'm friends with his mom on Facebook, too. I got his parents small gifts for Christmas, and we visit them out of state for holidays. It goes deep. And I'm concerned that if i do break things off, everyone's going to think I did this to him. I know I can't be worried about what other people think, but its a delicate situation.

To further complicate this, he's really really attached to me. All of our mutual friends think its because he's mildly Autistic. On Christmas morning, after 6 months together, he got down on one knee, ring in hand, and proposed to me . . . with a ring he used to propose (again, prematurely) to his ex. We talked it out, and we recovered, but he is really attached to me. But please know - our mutual friends and I do not want to prematurely assume anything, and his potential Autism is not what makes this delicate or complicated, nor does it make him any less attractive. What makes this delicate is everything combined. So I hope I have not offended anyone by mentioning that.

There's just a lot to process in all of this. I asked him one day (tactfully) why he got attached so quickly (didn't use those words) and he said its because "you accept me." That, too me, is a bit of an odd answer. On another night, I asked him what we have in common (again, it was a very tactful conversation), and he couldn't really think of anything substantial. I mean, sometimes people just work despite this, but I feel like their relationship requirements are just . . . different.

And even though we've been together almost a year, I can't say "I love you," even though he occasionally says it. It's not that I refuse, and it's not even that I don't love him. He's my favorite person, and I tell him that. I'm just not ready for those three words.

Whether I should be or not, I am just confused and conflicted. I don't want this to be an idiot move on my part where I don't realize what I had until I lost it. That really wouldn't be the right way to describe it now, because I appreciate every cell of his being every single day. It's just . . . there are a lot of fears, emotions, investment, and factors to sort through, here. I cried a little writing this, because it's just really hard, and I don't know what to do.

My birthday is coming up at the end of the month, and I'd like to have this resolved before then, one way or another. It's now at the point where I really need to be thinking about all of this concretely. Just . . . help.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have a seemingly healthy relationship, but I need help navigating my doubts before my birthday.

Edit: Forgot to bold the TL;DR.