My mom and I have an okay relationship, for the most part. I still love at home and am on her insurance due to my job not offering health insurance (I'm a freelance artist).

I've been struggling with depression since I was 13. Back then, my mom put me in therapy with a great children's therapist, but after some time I felt better and decided to discontinue therapy.

Well... years have passed since then. When I was a teenager I was in a bad relationship - physically, emotionally and sexually abusive. I suffer from PTSD as a result and still struggle with depression and anxiety.

When I was 21 I made an appointment with a psychologist and was diagnosed with PTSD and given medication for my depression.

The medication didn't do much and since I was still in college, I only saw them for the initial diagnosis and maybe twice to get my meds refilled.

Well this time I've decided to try again with a therapist. I called one on Monday and after a lot of back and forth, it just wasn't going to work out. I called my second choice today and the woman was very nice and able to fit me in tomorrow.

My moms relationship with mental health is... weird.

She was totally for me going when I was a kid, and in fact encouraged it. I think a lot of that came from the fact that I was struggling and depressed namely due to my relationship (or lack thereof) with my dad, who she hates. She also has awful coping strategies for when she's angry that included ignoring me or my sister for extended periods of time or venting all of her problems to us when we were too young to understand and forcing us to act like adults.

She knows about my HS boyfriend but doesn't know that he was abusive. Honestly, if I told her, she would probably tell me that I deserved it in part because we snuck around and I didn't follow her rules/curfew all the time. She often tells me that about other kids "it wouldn't be a problem if their parents just xyz..." but my sister and I were very well behaved kids who never got in serious trouble or really broke the rules (lying about significant others aside).

When I told her that I was seeing someone about my problems at 21, she told me I wasn't depressed and they were wrong. She would follow me around asking for the real reason or say things like "see? You're so happy right now you can't be depressed."

I'm going to talk to them tomorrow about my payment options without insurance, but I may have to bite the bullet and tell her. I'll be the one paying any copay or extra insurance doesn't cover.

So far the best I can come up with is just reciting "that is between myself and my therapist" or something similar every time it comes up. My other thought is lying to her and telling her I'm going again because of my relationship (or lack thereof) with my dad.

I know it's not an ideal situation. I'm moving out of state in less than a year, so moving out to get an apartment to move again wouldn't make any sense. Plus, even though this post probably didn't paint a great picture of her, she's not a bad mom - she's just not a great one. I can't get off of her insurance currently, since I'm living with her and ACA will still factor in her and my stepdads income into my insurance. Plus who knows what that will become in a few weeks.

TL;DR my mom has become anti therapy over the past few years for no good reason. I have a meeting with a therapist tomorrow but since I'm on her insurance, she'll know about it. How do I tell her without her raging against me and demanding to know why I need therapy? (Reasons I don't want to tell her.)