I (31f) have been with my boyfriend (29m) for 10 years. We have 3 children together, live together, dogs, the whole thing. He's a good person, we usually enjoy each other's company and hang out together and laugh, etc. Many times our disagreements stem from being stressed from both of us working, bills, 3 small kids, not usually because 1 of us did something to cross the other.

In the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me (denies it) but for sure did with this girl. We were younger at that point no kids and a bit off and on. I took him back, and swore to him and myself that if I ever found out he talked to her again I'd leave. We'll fast forward 6 years and I see he has her added as a friend on fb. This had to be recent like within the last few days. Noticed because he said to go look at this dudes page (a client of his) and both their names start with the same letter so as I typed it she popped up.

We've been going thru a rough patch, we're struggling financially, don't have much support with the kids. Just both stressed and snappy. He is not a talker, I try to communicate and he shuts down. Literal silent treatment and if he comes around I feel like I'm his mother lecturing him and he will usually just say "ok" "yeah", maybe nods his head in agreement. Long story short recently I've tried to explain that I too am stressed and work full time and need the same amout of "me time" as he gets--he often hangs out with his friends after work or stays for a few beers and i have to call and ask him to come home. But instead of listening/trying to understand its just silence, maybe a day or 2 of being nicer than usual and then back to normal like nothing happened.

So now that I've seen he has this girl added as a friend on fb I texted him to say what the actual fuck. Silence. He doesn't take me seriously clearly. I don't want to break up our family, our kids adore him, but I can't live in silence. And asking him again to block this girl makes me feel like a fool. For all I know they've been messaging back and forth saying God knows what. I feel like the only way he'll take me serious is if I keep promise and end things. I will be heartbroken and my kids will too but this feels like a line crossed that can't be reversed. I wish he'd just get his shit together.

Tl;dr: BF and father of my kids cheated on me years ago. Added the girl on fb again 6 years later, I told him that would be my final straw if he ever talked to her again. Not sure if I should kick him out.

Update: So after I texted him asking about the girl he added I did not hear anything from him. Complete silence. He stayed out until 5 am and came home drunk. I found an opened condom wrapper in the car. Told him to get his shit and go and he's gone. Escalated very quickly I absolutely did not think that was going to happen. He did not try to apologize once.