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F31 and M37 together 7 months and living together for 4.
I’m heartbroken and don’t know how to deal with this. Found porn in BF phone and the girls in it look nothing like me, I feel intimacy is ruined forever now and need to end it. I’m devastated.
I love him but this hit me hard and I can’t move on and get over it. I am white petite and fit with small breasts, small waist and decent booty, but he had 5 different browsers of big tits Indian girls porn. We have a lot of sex and he loves me deeply and says he is obsessed with my body but apparently behind my back he looks up girls with big tits and that look nothing like me to jerk off. He said it is only once in a blue moon that he feels like an easy way to play with himself and and that it’s normal for guys, and that he used to do it a lot but he does it rarely now because he is so happy with us and our sex, but I cannot get over this and I feel betrayed and like I am not what gets him off truly, because he seeks other type of girls for p.o rn behind my back. He said he likes “variety” and it doesn’t mean he is obsessed with that specific type of vids he found that day but it’s more about seeing something different for stimulation once in awhile, and that he absolutely loves my body and our sex. He is devastated too about how much this hurt me and didn’t think it would this much . None of this helps to me. I am so available to him constantly, I am in good shape, I am pretty, I initiate sex a lot, I give him everything he wants, I make him cum multiple times. I can’t possibly do more and I thought we had a great sex life but I feel if he seeks porn with girls that lo. ok nothing like me once it a while it means I am not all he wants and needs.
TL;DR; : I cannot move on, I’m heartbroken and I don’t see a path forward, I feel our intimacy is forever ruined because I’ll never forget that and I’ll always be thinking about that now. How do I process this?
I love my body, how is it insecurity if I do love my body and myself but hate the fact my Bf likes other bodies that look nothing like me? I can love myself all I want and be secure while at the same time being the reality that my body will never be like other bodies my Bf likes
He is a hypocrite if he loves me and likes my body but seeks other girls nothing like me behind my back
Why? Because he likes Indian and black and blonde chicks with big tits and IM NOT that. He likes stuff I am NOT, how is that not crushing to someone?
Is not so much that he watched porn but more so the type he liked. It’s women that are nothing like me. How would you feel if you were, let’s say, white, blond and average height and dick, and your GF had six browsers of porn of tall, tanned, brunette muscular guys with big dicks?
I understand, it’s just really difficult to accept he likes and gets off on other types of women that look nothing like me and have huge tits when I don’t, and that even if he likes me he also likes that and he may actual prefer that (even though he says he prefers my body type), so yeah, it’s hard to accept that
Yeah I removed those periods now, I had posts being removed in the past for using certain key words.
Anyway, thanks for the input, but I am just not sure how to cope with the fact that, even if he loves me and is crazy about me and my body, he ALSO likes those girls I will never be, so apart of me feels insufficient and like I will never be enough
I had periods in the text because I had bad experiences trying to post in other subs with certain words and not being approved and got tired of it and started adding dots, but it’s fine in this sub, so I just removed them.
As far as your input, I guess I just don’t process things the same as you, I feel his searches reflect that he likes things I am not, even if he ALSO likes me. It still sucks and I will never be those other things he ALSO likes and I am now self conscious about it and fucking hate it
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- 5 months ago
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We have access to each others phones. He fucked up and left a browser open, so I saw it. I’m not insecure, I love me and my body, I get thousands of requests in dating apps in hours and can pick any man I want any time, but I picked him and he picked me, but I don’t go look up black cocks or Indian cocks or whatever behind his back. So I find it dishonest and I feel betrayed, yes.