Context: We're both lifeguards at the beach over the summer

(May) 2021 During our first summer we met at the same beach and really seemed to hit it off.

(By July) we were hanging out talking, every day but then came a work party that everybody was going to be at. Earlier that day we had a convo about talking to other people, I told I'd understand if she did, so she told me who she was "into". Fast forward the party comes, all of our coworkers are there and we're all having a great time. I start to realize she's not interacting with me at all but it's a party so I just continue having a good time. I end up getting shitfaced and catching a ride home with my boy but the whole time I just had a bad feeling about leaving. For the next few weeks I let her know I have a bad feeling and she tells me "I have nothing to worry about".

(August) We're hanging out even more now and she tells me she (18F) wants to date me. Tbh I (18M) was crazy over her, so I wasn't against it, but I know things change when people start dating. I still constantly had bad feelings and saw the way she'd interact with them. Anyways fast forward to my bday the 24th, we're hanging out with some friends. And in my drunken highass stupor I take her phone and go into the bathroom (ik ik rookie mistake). I see everything I didn't want to see. I see when I left the party she hooked up with another guy that she didn't even mention she was into. But the messages showed they'd been talking for a while and I see messages between her and another guy. It felt like I was scrolling forever. For the rest of the night I couldn't even speak or look at her. Luckily I started school soon so I was done with work anyways, before I left she runs up to me sobbing and wants to try again.

(February 2024) I ended up giving her another chance, but it still crosses my mind every day. Usually when I'm with her I don't think about it, but it's our time apart when the thoughts start messing with me. We've had a great 3 years together but it still gets to me. It always crosses my mind to be with another women even though we always have a great time. I've told her how i felt and she told me I can sleep with whoever I want as long as I come back to her. Unfortunately I do not think that's enough. She always says it's one of her biggest mistake but I genuinely feels she's just saying that. It feels like it was yesterday and I genuinely want to throw up at the thought of it. And it sucks knowing she initiated the hook up as well. Ever since than I just don't feel like myself, I feel like I lost a part of me. She lied to me for months about it. FYI: I have to see her every single fucking summer, so if I break up with her, it will be very very very awkward. Summary: I met a girl, she told me she wanted me to take her seriously and I did. But she didn't take me serious (blamed it on her racist parents). Hooked up with someone, and lied about it until I went through her phone. She hawked me down and broke down in front of me asking for another chance, I gave in. It's been almost 3 years and I still can't get over it.

TL;DR: I met a girl we hit it off. She told me to take her serious, didn’t take me serious. I went through her phone found out she was talking to guys. She sobbed to me, knees on the floor, and begged me for another chance. I gave it to her, 3 years later I still can’t let it go.