weve been dating for about 3 months, when i met her she was an alcoholic drinking basically every day. i was popping pills basically every day. she has bpd and i try so hard to make her happy and be good for her, ive been there for her during her horrible withdrawals and she is trying to quit. i quit basically right after we started dating and havent since, sometimes i get cravings but i dont fall into them and my withdrawls werent the worst cause ive dealt with it all before.

i have been getting trust issues recently becauze shes been acting weird and different, so i checked her phone and i found messages with an old friend of hers talking about how she has 47 bodies, how she loves this one guy who she lost her virginity to, a bunch of crazy shit. so i bring it up to her and she says she used to be chronically online and she was just lying, keep in mind she said to me i was her first and that she was a virgin when we started dating.

so we keep on dating, now i just simply cant trust her and when she acts weird thats all i can think about, i bring up how i feel and she gets upset at me and puts down my emotions and calls me insecure etc.

theres so much good but the bad is so bad, i dont know what to do i constantly feel shitty cause she splits on me and treats me horrible. i just want to be happy with her and have things work, i love her so much and this all just hurts so much.

i feel unheard and crazy and every day i get more tired and realize maybe we shouldnt be together but she gets really upset if i say that and cries and begs me not to go after she just treated me like im not human.

we started to make out last night i said to flip on her stomach and i started to have sex with her, then i asked her to flip so we can look at eachother so we do that and after like 2 minutes of me doing my best sex trying to make her feel good she starts to burst into tears and tell me its not me its her and she didnt want to i just dont even know at this point. im so confused and hurt and everything together has shattered me, i dont know what to do and i would appreciate any opinions and advice on how to fix this or whatever you think. please let me know. im desperate for help.