I found out my boyfriend of almost 1 year cheated on me last year. It's a different situation I guess. He did it when we started being exclusive together, but without any label. He had a sexual instance with his bestfriend the night before our first date. It sucks and I know he's a different person today but it deeply pains me to fathom this information. I've confronted him about it as there is proof and he confessed to it, admitting he was wrong and there was also more. This certain bestfriend was kept all throughout the months we were dating, they had maintained a connection but as friends, which honestly, upsets me now that I'm aware about it. Other than that, there's been leaked convos of him having some sexual implications, jokes, etc. To the guy which was recent. It feels so unfair and I'm getting eaten up by sadness.

I know I cant forgive him or trust him easily again. He's blocked the guy and said he's willing to do anything for me. But I don't know exactly what I want. In my mind, he's a sweet, loving, and kind man who became the greatest thing in my life who who something so cruel, to me, to us. We shared a lot of vulnerabilities that I struggle to even share to friends. In short, of course I love him and he sees and understands me like no one else but I don't think I can exactly live with knowing this information and it drives me crazy. I also have a fear that we won't ever be truly happy like before. Can anyone please help me, advice or suggestions? Anyone who is currently still in a relationship with a partner that has cheated on them and has it still worked out? How's the anxiety and trust problems?

TLDR : Found out Bf of 9 months has sex w his bestfriend last year when we started being exclusive and idk what to do