Hi, 23F here, and my fiancé recently dumped me. Over text. Claiming that he had never gotten over his ex and is still in love with her.

It completely blindsided me, though perhaps it shouldn’t have, because he practically half lived with me, and we had a very good, open and vulnerable relationship up until the breakup. The day before he was even saying how genuinely happy he was the be engaged and that I was truly a good partner for him and probably his soulmate. I had the passwords to his phone and email, just because he’d have be reply to stuff when he was busy. There was no sign of anything going on.

I feel so heartbroken. And as someone with an anxious attachment style and abandonment issues and depression, this has opened so many wounds that I had worked on healing for so long alone and in therapy. Of course I’m scanning the entire relationship for a sign and majorly comparing myself to his ex and feeling super ugly and unlovable etc. I’ve probably never hated myself more than I do right now.

The only red flag was that him and his ex share a room in a house, where another couple lives, and my fiancé always said it was because he didn’t have to money to move out, and knowing his finances this was very true. And if he was at his home, I would be on FaceTime a lot of the day with him anyway.

I’m hurt because his ex does drugs and as he admitted is not a great person and she encourages him to do drugs and he was doing some really heavy stuff and making other bad choices I won’t mention here but they for sure weren’t illegal. He got clean shortly because he met me and I helped him and encouraged him and he said he was ready for stability and “domestic bliss” and he wanted a healthy partner like me. Yet he ran back there where I know she’s gonna get him using again and doing other unhealthy things because I know her, I’ve met her, and I know he’s vulnerable to becoming an addict again. I feel so broken that someone I really supported would leave me for someone so unhealthy, especially after everything we have been through.

I know I was a good partner. I was a great fiancée.

And I asked so many times making sure I wasn’t a rebound early on and that he was ready for a relationship. It seemed so which is why we ended up getting engaged.

I just don’t know how to move on and get over probably being the other woman the entire time. Our lives are so intermingled with mutual friends and pets and I’m grieving the life I had and the one I planned.

I have the itch to just try to get him to text me or talk to me and to stalk his socials trying to figure out what’s going on, and I’m afraid I’ll break and drunk text him something stupid.

I’m basically just laying in bed all day. Not eating because I’m so nauseas and just stuck in my head. I ran out of tears a while ago. I have no motivation to get up and do anything. I know I should book a therapist but in the meantime, how do I survive? How do I live with this? How do I get out of my head with the comparisons and what if? How do I remain no contact when all I want is him?

TL;DR fiancé left me for an unhealthy ex, I can’t get out of bed I’m so sad and don’t know how to even start coping

Advice, perspectives, anything welcome.