My partner (28M) is asexual and I (27GF) am not. Over the years, I’ve noticed that not being pursued sexually or having great sex has led to me being unhappy in our relationship. While I have noticed that more quality has been beneficial, it keeps coming back to this deep sadness and unhappiness with the fact that I wish I experienced more sexual intimacy in our marriage. We’re poly and even though I have met potential lovers/fwbs, I am a romantic at heart. I want to come home to that. I don’t want to have to seek it out.

The current situation with someone I’ve been seeing is that they’re married and I don’t get the vibe that they’re looking for another serious partner/relationship. That’s fine but it also is frustrating.

I know that I have to be patient but I also feel like I am going stir crazy and it’s hard to pick apart my emotions and to think critically, fairly, and objectively about our situation. Which is what I want. I didn’t always feel this way. I think that as I’ve grown and have learned more about myself, I look around and realize that I don’t have that. Sometimes, I find myself longing for or getting envious of what the person I’m dating has with their spouse. I wish I had that.

I’m open to encouragement, suggestions, validations, questions you have that might even help me to go deeper. Realistic advice. Hope.

Edited to add:

Sex is such a deeply emotional experience for me and I want the people I have sex with to share those same sentiments about it. It does feel like we're best friends who can be romantic but that emotional sexual connection component is becoming a dealbreaker for me. It's causing me to -

• Resent them
• Not want to focus on our relationship more and seek intimacy from other polyamorous individuals (I know this is not healthy. I realized it yesterday.)

This saddens me because I want it to work. I want to be with him forever...just...not this way.

I find myself getting annoyed with him more or repulsed by him. I want the romance and the emotional connection and it frustrates me that my own body needs sex. I feel like it’s making it more difficult to be satisfied but I also know that it doesn’t do any good to fight or not fully embrace all of me.

Eh. My soul is tired of this roller coaster.

TL;DR

Hubby is asexual and I am not. We are poly. This causing me to pull away from him emotionally and physically. I am beginning to resent him and find little things he does annoying. I do not want to leave him. Sex is just as important to me as hanging out and being friends. Where do we go from here? What do I need to tell myself to get through this?