WARNING ⚠️ = LONG POST AHEAD!

New to the Sub, and after reading the rules, I want to be VERY vague with some details here. That being said…

I (46M) have been with my partner (42F) for about 3 1/2 years now. There are more ways in which our relationship is what you might call non-traditional than I care to try to list🤷🏼‍♂️.

Early on in our relationship, on a December 20, we had an “experience” (first time for either of us) that wound up helping us grow as individuals as well as a couple, and was a shining example of how much greater we are together than we were as two single individuals….

Long story short, about a month ago, I brought up the idea of celebrating the “anniversary” of the aforementioned “major event” in our relationship, as December 20 was not all that far off!

I was not just shocked, but disappointed by the response that I got. I felt like my feelings were pushed to the side when I was told that, “we are going to put all of our focus and energy into the holidays during that time. Maybe right after New Year’s we can work on it.

I don’t care if we took a random poll and 99% of those asked agreed that Christmas was far more important than what I was referring to. It mattered a lot to me, and still does. Still keeping things “vague”, what I am referring to requires both partners to be “into it” in the moment. If it wasn’t a big deal to her, so be it? If the fact that it was a big deal to me didn’t make her any more interested in at least discussing… Well, that was something for me to really think about.

I respected her feelings, took some time to think a little more about how I felt (rather than blurt out some emotional garbage I might not even mean) that I might not even really mean, deep down.

Tonight we made Christmas cookies, listening to Christmas music, oh and then finished checking a few boxes on some family’s Christmas lists. We also decorated. Anyone have any questions or misunderstandings when it comes to where our energy has been expended of late? Didn’t think so… And that’s when “THIS” happened!

A few family members left, and it was just us in the condo. I mentioned that we should probably get the dishes done and put away and head off to sleep. I was greeted with a, “not so fast!Do you know what today is? It’s December 20! It’s only the anniversary of one of the greatest adventures of either of our lives! Now Christmas is in five days, and I couldn’t bear the thought of trying to match your enthusiasm when my mind was really focused on the holidays this year. Let me show you a couple of thoughts and ideas I’ve come up with on my own, so that we can talk about our “anniversary celebration, IMMEDIATELY after the first of the year!”

I didn’t know what to say. I had a stunned look on my face. I wouldn’t call it “offended” but she gave me an “um, I sincerely hope the misguided notion that my baby’s wants, needs, and desires were somehow suddenly no longer a major priority of mine! I just figured I would hold off till tonight to let you know that I appreciate it beyond words that we have so much love, honor, and respect for each other’s priorities!”

She wasn’t blowing me off. She was making sure there was enough time for both of us to get everything we wanted, because that’s always what she wants. She wanted to make sure that her attention wasn’t pushed and pulled in different directions, and quite frankly, I am humbled and honored. I can’t think of a bigger relationship goal than finding someone who respects you, loves you, and honors you… EQUALLY! (you must respect yourself every bit as much as you do, your partner, or it will never work ) with respect to your feelings towards your partner. Rather than beat myself up, or be embarrassed for even letting the thought cross my mind that she had minimized my feelings in deference to her own, I will just make this yet another a learning experience, and “do better” (by communicating my feelings rather than “stewing”) next time I make a poor assumption/interpretation regarding something that she says ❤️.

My relationship goal is to just keep learning from her how important, healthy communication really is