Hi, disabled kinky queer here who practices relationship anarchy. Been doing the kink & poly thing for about 1.5 years now, lots of “learn by doing” and fucking up but am at a crossroads now.

I have multiple “situationships” (we’ve never defined what we are) in my old community. I recently moved but continue to visit once a month because I haven’t been able to establish a community I feel safe with in my new location (that’s for a different post) and I am just wondering if anyone has any advice for opening up a conversation about moving from a FWB/situationship to an established dynamic. Every time I visit it seems like these relationships continue to grow more intimate or hell, even new ones develop with folks I considered friends but a spark develops and is acted on. I am overflowing with situationships but none of them are at a level where I can say “I love you” and mean it more than a friendly way.

I love what I have now and don’t want to lose my friendships, but I’m just feeling like I’m missing something. I just feel lonely, and while moving back isn’t an option I want to become more than just the person who visits and fucks around at play parties and such. I don’t mind being a comet per se but how do I ask someone I have basically a FWB situation with that I want something more? I’ve been scared to convey my true feelings — I love these people so much but throw around “I love you” to all my friends so I can’t tell if they know I actually love them or if they just think we’re friends. I think a majority of these relationships can evolve into something different and I have the time & energy to put in the work, but asking for that is scary and daunting.

Just as an FYI I am autistic and have trouble reading emotions (wooooooo). I will do sexual things with pretty much anyone I have a good relationship with so that’s also not a great way to define a relationship dynamic for me.

Potential solutions I’ve come up with: 1. Just speak my mind and have no expectations for the response 2. Ask to have them fill out one of the smorgasbord worksheets with me 3. Suffer through the current situations and see if something changes on its own 4. Throw my all into building a new community in my new location (stop visiting as often) 5. Some sort of combination of the above choices

Any and all help appreciated. Also, if you recognise this post and think you know who I am… shoot me a dm lol I’m probably talking about you. For everyone else, I’m sorry if this doesn’t make a lot of sense I am just kinda word barfing and could use some help.