Hey folks, I'll be cross-posting this to a few different subs to reach a wider audience.

I got into a conversation with my partner tonight about delineating the difference in feeling between a friend and a lover, and how to describe those differences. For me, that's pretty easy, broadly speaking. There are definitely times when I first meet someone, and it takes me a little while to decide whether what I feel is excitement over forging a new friendship, or the first butterflies of romance. But generally, I find it relatively easy to differentiate between friend feelings and romantic feelings and I can articulate those differences well.

My partner says they can feel a difference, but based on the way I've described it, the difference isn't as stark for them, and they really struggle to articulate it. We couldn't find much common ground on it at all. For them, it's a big complicated thing that isn't easily described with words. "My relationship with each person in my life is entirely different from the other," is what they said. Which I understand and relate to. Of course every individual relationship is different. It's not as if all my friends are just in the Friend Box and thus, all my feelings for each of them the same. But the difference in feeling between friends and lovers is a little simpler. Does this person make my heart skip a beat? Do I feel warmth in my cheeks and my chest when they're around? Do I feel sexual desire for them (I recognize not everyone feels a link between sexual desire & romance, but generally if there's no sexual attraction for me, there's no romance either)? I can use this line of questioning to determine whether my feelings for someone are platonic or romantic and I find it easy to do so.

To me, it feels so obvious! My first thought was, "How can you not know yourself well enough to recognize and articulate the difference between a friend and someone you're in love with?" But talking with my partner made it clear my experience is not as universal as I initially thought it to be, and it's not necessarily about knowing oneself.

So, how do y'all experience the difference between friends and romantic lovers or partners? Are those differences easily identifiable? Easily describable? Or are they harder to pin down? Would love to further expand my worldview!

Eta: u/blackberrydoughnut already got fussed at for being a troll in this sub yesterday, has also been reported as a troll in r/polyamory at least once, and seeing as they identify as a "libertarian anarchist" and don't think systems of oppression are real or important, I'm not thrilled about them chiming in on this post. After yesterday's debacle I assumed they'd have the sense not to engage, but their audacity shouldn't be surprising. I've blocked them. Engage at your own risk.