I'm on the other side of the cycle. We raised our very difficult child. She had BP disorder that showed the first signs at age 2. Rapid cycling, mania manifested as rage. Finally diagnosed at age 8 when she went into a pressured speech episode in the psychiatrist's office. He had dismissed Bipolar Disorder as a possibility because we were still an intact family. Our lack of divorce in the face of what we went through literally stood in the way of being diagnosed properly earlier. Just bonkers. For years we had to have a plan anywhere we went. We'd choose who would leave with her if she had a meltdown. We fielded countless calls from schools to come when she blew up. Once the guidance counselor showed up at our house with her. The very first week of her school career we got "I have never, in 20 years of teaching had a child this difficult" AND "I have never had a child learn to read this quickly". She was volatile and very bright. When she blew up I'd have to hold my arms up to take the blows. She'd go from screaming "I want to tear this whole house down" to a super confident "Don't worry mom, I'm a trained professional!" as she prepared to jump off the furniture. The pressured speech was so intense that I'd literally feel myself starting to mentally go numb under the firehose of nonstop talking. Grandparents and strangers alike made us feel like we must be doing something wrong for this to be the result. 8 long, miserable years passed like this. The diagnosis was the turning point. It wasn't a night/day thing, but everyone at school and the doctor's and home finally had something to work on. A goal to strive towards. Finding the right meds took years, an IEP at school helped address stressors and consequences when she acted out. At first we had a notebook that traveled from home to school and back every day to communicate with her teacher. That helped everyone be on the same page. By the time she went to high school we all held our breath as the decision to go IEP free was made. We let her know how important it was to maintain her behavior herself. It worked. She was ready and her medications were good enough to give her the ability to self regulate. She joined JROTC (shocked us!), graduated with a 3.8 GPA and then went to college. She has two bachelor's degrees (Biology and Psychology) and just got married to her long time friend. They are staying child free, partly because she doesn't want to risk a child having BP like she did.

There won't be a result like this for all. Some of these kids won't ever be able to be independent. For those folks my heart hurts for you. For those of you despairing for what could have been, for those in the midst of misery and heartache and regret, I'm so sorry. Some of those who you might not think get where you're coming from really do. We just look "normal" because we've passed through the fire and are on the other side.

Damn, this got stupid long. Thanks if you've read to the end. It's cathartic to get this out to folks who get it.