I got out of a 5 year relationship back in October (I'm only 20 btw) and I went on a couple dates in November and December. I'm currently dating a guy I've known for about a year; it's only been a month but it's going pretty well so far. Last night we were talking and I was telling him about how one of my dates back in November cut it off (even though I thought it was going well) because I "came off too strong" (which hurt me pretty badly in the moment and for a couple weeks after the fact because I thought it was going well!)

I asked bf if there was some truth to that, and he said how I act is how most people act when they're already "very romantically involved" and it was initially a little disconcerting for him seeing as I'm fresh out of a relationship and he already had his concerns about me misplacing my affections. Tbh I understand the latter half of that, but the first part has me seriously re-evaluating because I genuinely had no idea that the way I act romantically was anything out of the ordinary.

He also said that because I have a distinct lack of relationship diversity (I'm only 20 and I was dating the same guy since I was 15), I've learned most of what I know from one person and I experienced a bit of a culture shock because I've never been involved in the adult dating scene (and I don't really want to either lol). Basically how I act, even with new partners, is largely informed by that relationship and I need time to unlearn my long-term relationship habits.

The thing that gets me is that I really didn't think I do anything especially atypical? I asked him what I do specifically (woman moment I know) that may come off too strong and he was all like "you know it's just subtle behaviours and such." I have no idea what that means — like none whatsoever — and not being aware of what I do worries me more than me actually exhibiting said behaviours. Maybe this sounds self-important but I know it's in my nature to be sweet and kind but I seriously did not think it was anything super out of the ordinary. And besides, I just try to match the other person's energy, which is why it was upsetting when the guy from November told me I came off too strong because I thought we were on the same page.

Is it unsettling because they feel like they don't deserve it yet...? And people don't like how cold and transactional modern dating is, why do they get so scared off by warmth? Anyway, I don't miss my ex and I don't want to be in that relationship again, but I can't help but think about how nice it would be to just not have to deal with this dating culture that I seem to have zero idea about. Like I feel like I'm out of the loop on an entire set of unspoken rules and it's a really jarring realization. What is a girl meant to do... am I overthinking this?