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Been having some crazy health problems over the last few months and keep landing in the ER - things like super high heart rate, fainting, rashes, burning chest/body, so many gastric issues, and recently numbing all over my body/cognitive stuff.
They checked my brain and the neurologist was like, your CT scan is normal - and started whispering “is everything ok at home? Are you safe?” He told me some of these symptoms are part of a heightened stress/immune response and seen in people who are experiencing a lot of violence. Fucking hell.
I’ve been really stressed by my relationship with my BPD mom and she’s been the one caring for me most recently while I’ve been deteriorating… it’s really crazy how stress can create so many of these physical symptoms. I fully believe that it has induced all of this stuff and of course agree with the doctors, but all the symptoms are actually happening (also almost died from a few anaphylactic episodes)
I’ve become like those chronic illness people you see online and hate myself for it. At least I’m not going to attach myself to some diagnosis and recognize this is just crazy and wild and idk.
Kind of worried this is going to be forever and nobody will ever date me again/can’t live normally. Had to stop working for now and everything. Has anyone gone through something similar? I don’t want to join those chronic illness communities for obvious reasons
Thank you. I had broken up with my partner relatively recently, and the relationship never felt right/was causing me quite a bit of stress. I kept trying to convince myself that I wanted to be in it.
I'm going to do my best with slowness, maybe some meditations.. I want to listen to some soothing podcasts or audiobooks or something but I'm not really sure what. My mind has been really foggy lately :(
Actually probably a really good idea. I haven't had one in years. I've been so tensed up, I think I'll look into getting some thank you :)
Yeah, I have a doctor now and also had a referral to an allergist/immunologist. He did some skin tests and told me my body was hyper-responding with a clearly elevated histamine reaction. I just did some specialized testing including a 24 hour urine test, but may take time to get back. He's very hands-off. He did prescribe some antihistamines and also things like pepcid to take, but it made a lot of my symptoms worse (I actually developed way more gastric/asthmatic symptoms, rashes from H1 anti-histamines, etc).
I'm basically off all medication now and have to find ways of moving through this without. I definitely was googling my symptoms way too much re: doom spiralling, but I'm not going to do that anymore. Just try to relax and calm as much as possible.
I really miss walks :( unfortunately due to higher heart rate and all this, it's not currently in the cards but I hope if I rest enough it can be soon.
And you're right - it's so hard with my mom, she constantly attacks/criticizes me and is very controlling. We were very enmeshed and it's a very unhealthy relationship - I was more separated during my 20s, though have been around her way too much over the last year in particular.
Thank you for your comment <3
I mean I’m literally almost dying from the super high heart rate and fainting episodes lol. Right now I got a massive rash all over my body and constricted breathing due to the contrast dye they used for the scan. It’s been crazy
What do you guys like to watch/do that minimizes stress, I need some ideas (nothing very active as I'm so depleted right now)
Been watching lots of gossip girl <3
Yeah I’m not anti meds, I’ve just been having an allergic reaction to essentially every medication prescribed to me so it’s a huge risk. I have no problem otherwise taking them and mentally would be fine with it.
My heart rate is a little better so I may try to go for a very small walk today. It’s been like 130s-140s bpm when I am upright and slowly walking in my apt so pretty bad. Today is more like 115-120 though. I mean my doctors and allergist were trying all sorts of meds, but then I was reacting to them too strongly.
And yes, I’m trying to set more boundaries again, even though she’s pushing against them. I used to live in another city which was much better for me, but moved back during the pandemic.
Yeah CBT isn’t for me but I used to meditate more and do yoga and I’m going to return to those things. It’s less that I’m spiralling, more that my physical health is so crazy. My analyst and I are discussing how my body is speaking for me re: saying “no” in a way
Have read! Maybe time to read it again
Yes my allergist said MCAS or mastocytosis. I think even longer term stress or trauma can change how the body responds to things.
We have a lot of the same symptoms, though I’ve actually fainted/the tingling became numbness.
Also tbh all my worst episodes have been when I’m in a calmer state, and actually hopeful/feel like I’m getting better or fine. Exploring with my analyst re: unconsciously sabotaging well-being
I'm glad that worked for you! My bloodwork is totally normal, in a way annoyingly, but just points to how much this has all been stress for me
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Yeah :( they really are, it's wild. I never used to have many allergies before, but developed more over the last few years. The last few months it's like I'm allergic to literally everything - many foods I used to eat make me break out in hives/rash, and I have constricted breathing and also developed an asthmatic cough
Just hard when I am struggling so much with health but have to rely on a very dysfunctional parent to help. I am going to do my best to relax as much as I can. There's so much shit in my family (and definitely a history of violence when younger). I went on a trip with them this summer and was around my mom non-stop, and all this amplified like crazy when I returned...