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We were going to move in for this fall but I've been rethinking whether it's a good idea re: getting more serious and entwined. I love my bf, but he does some stupid shit, and I'm curious how many guys continue to do these things beyond being a child/teenager.
He feels strong impulses and does things like pick up giant sticks (I mean huge, and like carry them on his back or throw them around), climb lampposts, wants to climb trees, wants to binge drink once a year to the point of blacking out for new years (though he could basically poison himself). He used to hop trains illegally/explore abandoned places a lot. He wants to occasionally have a day to just binge junk food too. He'll just get the impulse apparently 1-2x a month to do something like this, and then does it.
He's otherwise super healthy and fit, really attentive, and a wonderful partner. However, he goes to this other extreme where he completely doesn't care about his health, and does something that can even really injure him (which I think so far he's mostly hid from me, though he does talk about it) - I feel like I don't want to have to parent/worry about him and his well-being. I want a partner who isn't going to act like a giant child (especially with the more dangerous stuff). He shared he is going to work on it, but it feels like a huge change for him to make, and that this is also just part of him.
Curious to hear if anyone has experienced this (whether you're like this or have been with someone like this). I do feel like this will really affect me long-term... at the same time, I do really love him, and it's hard to meet people in one's 30s that aren't unstable in other ways
Omg this is terrible - I don't feel like that in my relationship. He does his part, though he definitely had parents who did too much for him growing up re: chores and I think still resents cleaning somewhat/can be a bit messy. He cooks great meals and is very helpful, and would never ask me to take on more of the planning/appointments - he plans many of our dates as well. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience!
I think after typing this out I've realized that I've probably been affected by losing some close people in my life, and his antics make me more afraid that something will happen to him/ I will lose him. I do get a bit embarrassed by some of it, yeah. I do think I both like and love him - I would be super sad not to have him in my life anymore, but I also know that I would be okay to exist separately (idk feels like a healthy attachment overall).
Yes, he's exactly like that out in nature! Hah. It's interesting that I used to be much more risk-taking in my 20s (though in diff ways) and maybe I just want to feel really safe and settled, and get scared for him. I do think I really need to sit with it and assess how much I could tolerate, because otherwise he's the best partner I've ever had in so many ways and there's a lot of love between us.
I think with the binge drinking it is very rare, and feels weird that he would almost plan to get super drunk to the point where he may even vomit (just like let himself lose total control). That does scare me, though like he mentioned he basically does it once a year. In his 20s he used to drink much more heavily, we are both pretty healthy now re: taking care of ourselves
This is true - I am luckily month to month now after being a long-term tenant, so there isn't a real rush. Think I will take my time and still try. I may just be overly cautious given some of my own history
lol I hope it doesn't but will keep everyone posted yeah
I guess it feels dangerous to me! Like he could break his leg, or somehow end up in the hospital/breaking something worse if he falls. I guess I just worry a lot - he definitely is having fun and I otherwise love his positive energy and being around him. I know his playfulness is connected to this. Some of these comments are helping me look at it a bit differently though, thank you
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Yeah he hasn't done the train hopping for a few years but used to lots. I know this sub doesn't believe in ADHD but he definitely has it